This is a question many of us have about the current generation. We all have our opinions on this and each opinion shares different angles on the matter. I thought I’d shed light on some of the popular opinions and some of my own I have observed but maybe haven’t heard others address yet.
I’ve heard people state the obvious that because of social-media, we have a much wider range of social-access. People meet online in addition to in person and this makes our generation seem more eager to see if the grass is greener on someone else’s yard. People are left “ghosted” or dumped when faced with problems because we can just connect with the next person. To be honest, I’ve heard this one the most.
More often than not, when you ask those who are in the ages of 18 to early twenties if they are looking for a serious relationship, the majority will respond with no. Many of us were told to work and focus on a career until we are well established to settle down and get married. We learn to be hard working on our studies and focus on our careers which leads me to think that this is why many of us don’t know how to turn this off when we start becoming available for a spouse or get married. Come to think of it, it seems like we hold careers at a higher level of importance as a society rather than a family-unit. Most people will gravitate towards what society prioritizes because they (the ego) wants to win in society.
I do think that the entertainment industry has a huge influence on this fear more than we even stop to think about but let’s dive into the actual life-experience of others. Many in this generation who are looking at the outside of marriage have a deep sense of fear. Divorce rates have increased over the years and because of this, there are adults who witnessed these divorces. Many are simply scared to repeat the past and are now more cautious than previous generations to get married. I can bet that there are some who suffered the impact of watching their parents get divorced and have lost faith in marriage all together. Then, we have those who were a part of a divorce and “lost” a lot of their financial success to another spouse that now speaks horribly of marriage to the younger generation. We are survival-beings that do our best to stay away from what scares us the most.
KNOWING THEMSELVES AND WHAT THEY WANT IN MARRIAGE
Prior generations were encouraged to marry as early as 18, my mom has told me that anyone who reached 25 in her generation were pressured and rushed into finding a spouse. I’d like to bring up a point that this generation has had the previledge in experiencing and that is that this generation that has waited longer to marry, have come to the realization that one knows themselves best past 25. Why is this and is there some truth? Studies have shown that a woman’s brain reaches full development at age 25 and a man’s brain from ages 25-30. Could it possibly be that people in this generation have in part had the opportunity to experience that it’s best to wait past this threshold without knowing that this is in fact the age that a brain fully develops? Psychology.com states that the sweet spot to marry is between ages 28-32. They add that those who marry past 25 are 50% less likely to divorce compared to those who marry at an earlier age such as 20.
MESSAGE FROM VICTORIA GOLD
We all can argue why it’s better to wait or why it’s better to rush to the altar at a young age. Regardless, we cannot close ourselves from the fact that each generation holds GOLDEN nuggets that benefit us and I think it would be wise for us to learn from them all.
Speaker and Author Jim Rohn quotes, “Motivation gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going”. Despite many views about motivation and the argument whether it works in our favor or not, we can’t deny that we still express motivation at different times of our life. Motivation is ultimately an expression of energy that we may define as passion or emotion and it inspires us to take action. This in turn affects your motives in why you are aiming to achieve a goal. I encountered surges of motivation a vast number of times while working in sales, and I can pinpoint exactly where it derived from. Observing this allowed me to come to a realization that there are different levels of this energy and they all take me to an even higher level of satisfaction that is constructive towards my life.
COMPETITION & REVENGE
The first thought I want to bring up is that our mental and emotional state can influence the type of motivation. As you may guess, if we feel angry, resentful, underestimated and maybe even have a sense of proving something, we may derive motivation from competition and revenge. Each type has a different area of focus. As for this level, the area of focus is trying to achieve something through a set of actions that can tangibly show those who doubted us that we are the best or worthy based on achievement. We want those who we felt looked down on us, to look up at us. Sound familiar? For example, I’ll use my own experience when working in sales. A type of motivation they used was competition in the office and outside with other offices. As effective as it was to get numbers up and for sales reps to leap into action, it was temporary and because it was temporary we had to push others to compete again and again. The outcome came from feeling happy to have achieved something but I can honestly tell you that it brought no satisfaction to my life as a whole, I wouldn’t say it brought forth any qualities worth admiring. Everything we do with great tenacity, like motivation, has an effect on who we become. If the focus is “me” and the achievement is based on something that benefits “me” what do you think this does to you? You can probably assume that this will create a self-righteous and egocentric version of you. In this case, we have seen time and time again many people become arrogant in the sports industry. This isn’t to say all people who play sports derive their motivation from this level but I would say that this could be the most common. Although this may be the first taste of motivation to most, I would highly encourage others to discover different ways to express motivation.
I’m sure you’ve heard the term, “level up”, “new year, new me”, “boss up” etc. Most of the time, the state of mind we may find ourselves in while deriving this type of motivation is when we aren’t happy with something about ourselves and we want to make it better, hence “self-improvement”. This level will make you hungry to develop better habits, discipline and even a sense of pride for achieving what may be a better version of yourself. When people feel that they have achieved results in the areas they wanted to improve on, they start to tackle another area and then another. They get a high that blossoms from their self-esteem and what tends to happen is they feel like it’s not enough. Now, you have this feeling that you just aren’t satisfied and you never will be satisfied, that it’s a normal-thing. A lot of us can grow happy for all that we have achieved and maybe stay on this level, we think “Well, I’m great! I’m a solid human-being, look at all that I have achieved for myself and my loved ones. I’ll just keep setting bigger goals to achieve the next big thing”. Fortunately, I worked for a sales company that had a business model that evolved my motivation-level to the next.
MAKING AN IMPACT
Those that have experienced a taste of this level are the ones who have shared their growth onto others. I remember being 2 years in sales and I reached a place where I was achieving multiple awards and recognition for improving my numbers. The company had a system where you could train and lead a team when your numbers met the training-standard. I was promoted and off I went to develop and train a team. I grew a deep desire to act and work like I had never done before. It wasn’t about me anymore it was about helping others, serving them as their leader so that they too could see this grand-potential they had within them. I can’t explain the energy that fuels your soul when helping others until you do it yourself but I believe that’s what we were made for. Another example is when a man named, Mully, went from being what he calls, street-boy, to a multi billionaire and gave that all up to make an impact on others who lived on the streets like he did. He adopted kids off the streets and took care of them until soon he had more than 500 kids! He has now created an education system where all the kids live in a self-sustainable land and get the opportunity to go to college off tuition free thanks to Mully’s impact. Our souls were made for servanthood and to connect with others where the focus is not limited to you. Think about how limiting it must be to derive energy from within you and it only comes back to you. There’s no value being placed to the world outside of you, no impact. The definition of impact is to come into forcible contact with another object. When we work passionately to serve the well-being of others, that force has an immense amount of energy that only multiplies like a compound effect! We all have purpose and we are all valuable but when we speak on how we go about manifesting it, this is how our value truly manifests itself.
MESSAGE FROM VICTORIA
I hope that in moments where we act through passion, we can reflect and really ask ourselves where this motivation is stemming from. Let's continue to explore who we are and manifest our truest selves. Peace and love be with you!
I was going through journal entries from my early twenties and I ran across several where I expressed my familiarity with loneliness. There was a specific one that stood out to me and I can recall it: June, 2015 No one was home and I had no plans. No one was looking for me and I could feel my body sink into the bed. My thoughts began to follow the anxiety I had developed in my chest and stomach. Thoughts began to surface, "I have nothing to do and that just shows how pathetic my life is. I have no one wanting to spend time with me or care about how I am feeling at this moment". That wasn't the first nor would it be the last time I had come face to face with loneliness. Due to these recurring episodes, I thought it was my fault for facing this over and over. That maybe I just wasn't loveable or maybe I was just pushing people away and all though some of that could have been true, these episodes weren't punishments, they were necessary but I was too blind to see it.
Reacting to Loneliness
Loneliness feels different to all of us. As for me, it felt like fear, sadness and like I didn't exist. The mind connects to our feelings and tries to make sense out of it all. Mine conjured up ideas on how to find the cure by scanning numerous options until my body grew anxious, depressed and soon impatient. My impatience motivated me to seek any distraction in order to let the wave pass over. I would finally convince myself that it was the only way to move passed this so I would look for that dating app on my phone, call someone to rescue me or I would scroll on social media. Anything to let the emptiness fade away. I had no idea that my reactions to loneliness were only numbing it but never healing it. I didn't think this could be healed, I thought it was just something I had to runaway from whenever it came. Until one day I was tired of going through this cycle and I confronted it.
Responding to loneliness
I began to learn that I was not my mind nor was I my body, I am a soul. This beautiful body is a vessel that allows me to express my authentic-self living inside me. The next time loneliness came over me, I decided to observe my body. I observed it like a parent listening to a crying child and asking them what they feel. Once I had begun the interview, the same low-vibration thought began to surface, the same memories that brought me sadness, the future and the past fought in my mind. My body follows my mind like a sibling does when they agree on what mutually bothers them. I, the observer of all of this, began to listen and discern like a parent would. Every time a thought came up I knew wasn't true, I transformed it and when insecurities arose, I committed to making changes so that my current self could be on the path to manifesting the highest most authentic expression. I was finally confronting all the parts of my current self I was ignoring or letting off the hook. I had forgotten my responsibility of recalibrating, it was up to me. I can honestly tell you that this moment was magical.
Our body seeks for our guidance. We think, feel, and the body follows. Sometimes if we’re used to a certain type of emotion in specific environments, our body will just repeat the energy we have attached it to in the past. To really understand this, think of what it feels like to dread something, but truly go there for a second. Where do you feel it most in your body when you dread something? Now let’s apply it to the gym, let’s say you dread going to the gym, and you repeat that vibration over and over, we will train that in our body. Our energy changes like water does when you put a drop of dye in it. Observation is the start of our recalibration. Our job at this moment is to seek a shift of perspective. A higher perspective is always at reach and ready to recalibrate our energy. While on my journey of healing my loneliness, I learned that we must be masters of shifting perspective, that’s where the healing emerges. Once I applied this key, I never went through loneliness the same again.
Message from Victoria
I hope that in moments of loneliness, you can sit, go through the motions like you would to master a cold shower. Sit through the discomfort with the purpose of observing the body and mind. Then, start to slowly but surely take control back consciously and with consistency, you will come closer to expressing your truest-self, your soul.