There was a viral video where music artist, Halsey, made a comment about her mom telling her that having butterflies for someone is a red flag. She goes on to explain how her mom told her that if you are waiting to get this adrenaline rush of validation every time they give you some sort of sign that they approve of you it’s not a good thing and instead it’s manipulation. Is having butterflies a good thing?
Normally when people refer to butterflies they refer to this giddy and almost swirl of emotion in the center of their stomach. We get this sensation in moments we are interacting with someone we are interested in or even in times we simply think about them. Oftentimes it’s an indicator for people to move towards those who give them this sensation and they usually do. I will admit that there were moments I didn’t feel this way about men I dated and I will also confess that I didn’t have strong feelings for the ones I didn't get butterflies for. Adding to this observation, I realized that in these butterfly-less connections, I didn’t have this motive or inspiration to really keep things going. I do not necessarily agree that having butterflies is a red flag but I do agree with the mom about how important it is to reflect on when and why we are getting butterflies. The root of where they come from is a key indicator of how we should navigate these butterflies.
“Don’t tell them too much, leave it a mystery. People are attracted to mystery” I’ve heard this said many times and I can’t tell you how cringey this is for me to hear. If we are feeling butterflies every time they reveal some type of attraction to us that isn’t always obvious, this could be a problem. There is a mind game called, “entice and withdraw”, where a person will show interest at first but then withdraw their attention so that they keep the person guessing whether they like them or not. I will point blank say, THIS IS BAD! If we are placed in positions where it seems as though we are getting mixed signals from someone, these butterflies should be evaluated. A more subtle manipulation is when someone withholds information in order to again, “keep you on your toes”. If you are engaging in conversation and they give you short answers to questions, you may find yourself wanting to see them more in hopes to connect, hence feeling butterflies at the chance you get to see them and in times where they give you a little more about themselves. This creates the illusion that you are the lucky one who gets to know more about them. If butterflies stem from any type of illusion where you are just so special because they give you significance, these butterflies will turn to desperation for validation. Butterflies can be a beautiful indicator that you are excited about someone and that your energies draw each other closer but it must come from a genuine place.
Let’s set the setting: You are getting ready to see them and you are excited to share time together. You are eager to feel this rush of energy that emerges just by catching the first glimpse of them when you finally meet. You converse and share your depths to each other, every piece of information you get from them you feel butterflies because you continue to realize what a match you both are. The more you both share, the stronger these butterflies get and you both begin to open up about the feelings you have for one another. These butterflies begin as a spark, if two people feel that spark it moves through a flow of energy, and it only builds momentum. It's the feeling of an energy exchange from one person to the other. Butterflies are meant to be felt, it’s part of the romance of life and a gift from nature to find our match.
MESSAGE FROM VICTORIA GOLD
Love-life may be complex and sometimes frustrating to navigate. I hope that you can learn to trust your intuition that I like to call your inner-compass. Peace & Love be with you and remember I’m only a message away
We adopt many narratives about what it means to be a high-quality person. There is talk about what depreciates our value. We place ourselves on social platforms as though auctioning our lifestyles and we measure it by our following. Then, our attention is pulled to our physical appearance and what society or culture finds appealing. We chase after these trends and narratives in hopes to become relevant. A dog will chase a cat, a ball and even a feather with no substantial motive. Are the priorities in our lives becoming a meaningless and temporary chase? Is our worth something meant to be treated like a chase?
CHASING OUR WORTH
Chasing our worth would mean that our worth is outside of ourselves. It is to say that we are irrelevant until we can obtain this idea that we have in our minds of what it is to be worthy. Is this true? I’m sure many people would answer this and say, “Of course not!”, yet time and time again we fall into this cycle. We think there is something else we need or someone’s approval we must gain. I have been responsible for this cycle in my own life. Sometimes it can be tempting in a world where opinions are placed on a pedestal at the touch of a screen. We program in our mind that the viral sensation is to be worshiped and how can we blame ourselves? We are simply survival-beings trying to fit in so that we can find our tribe. It is our survival instinct to mold ourselves to fit in and I must also urge to say that it is our soul’s nature to be genuine. This is why when the world worships owning a castle and we obtain it, we still feel dissatisfied because it never was a genuine desire of our own until the world claimed it as relevant. Being genuine can become clouded with all the noise but it should be our mission to protect it and preserve it.
A mentor of mine once said to me, “you were meant to guide and support others because you see the good in everyone no matter where they’re at”. I always fell in love with a good under-dog movie and the average-Joe turned hero. I was in sales and I would hire people of all backgrounds but one thing they all had in common was potential. I could see their Gold within even if they maybe couldn’t see it themselves. I would spend time with those that were maybe overlooked in the office and in a few weeks they would achieve a #1 award in the office. I just knew that if I could reveal to them that they had Gold inside, they could change their perspective about themselves and others. I was unaware that all I was doing was reminding them that they were already worthy but all I was doing was supporting their journey in manifesting it.
MANIFESTING OUR WORTH
I’m a firm believer that we all possess our worth no matter where we’re at in life but it’s up to us to manifest it. I was bullied when I was younger and very quickly I adopted a timid persona. I started in sales at the age of 18 and I followed this intuitive-knowing that I had something great to offer inside of me. I remember my start in sales and it was not pretty. haha I was horrible but I could never seem to shake off this whisper that I could be great if I wanted to be. There was a point when people in the office overlooked me for good reason and I truly don’t say this with a resentful heart. I understand why people kind of just passed me by, I was horrible! To say that I built myself up would not be right because I know God was there beside me showing me how to manifest my worth. Soon, I’d grab the attention of my mentor and others who helped me gain strength along the way. Yes, I achieved multiple awards, recognition, promotions, titles and even all expenses paid trips but it took me a while to understand something vital. All of those achievements weren’t what made up my worth. My worth had always been there even before manifesting all of that, I just had to have the will to manifest it.
MESSAGE FROM VICTORIA GOLD
I hope you can take moments in your week to sit down and silence the noise around you. Take time to sit to acknowledge your Gold within and detach from feeling the need to do anything to stimulate your belief of it's existence. Your genuine desires will show the path to manifesting it. Peace & Love be with you and remember, I'm only a message away.