There was a viral video where music artist, Halsey, made a comment about her mom telling her that having butterflies for someone is a red flag. She goes on to explain how her mom told her that if you are waiting to get this adrenaline rush of validation every time they give you some sort of sign that they approve of you it’s not a good thing and instead it’s manipulation. Is having butterflies a good thing?
Normally when people refer to butterflies they refer to this giddy and almost swirl of emotion in the center of their stomach. We get this sensation in moments we are interacting with someone we are interested in or even in times we simply think about them. Oftentimes it’s an indicator for people to move towards those who give them this sensation and they usually do. I will admit that there were moments I didn’t feel this way about men I dated and I will also confess that I didn’t have strong feelings for the ones I didn't get butterflies for. Adding to this observation, I realized that in these butterfly-less connections, I didn’t have this motive or inspiration to really keep things going. I do not necessarily agree that having butterflies is a red flag but I do agree with the mom about how important it is to reflect on when and why we are getting butterflies. The root of where they come from is a key indicator of how we should navigate these butterflies.
“Don’t tell them too much, leave it a mystery. People are attracted to mystery” I’ve heard this said many times and I can’t tell you how cringey this is for me to hear. If we are feeling butterflies every time they reveal some type of attraction to us that isn’t always obvious, this could be a problem. There is a mind game called, “entice and withdraw”, where a person will show interest at first but then withdraw their attention so that they keep the person guessing whether they like them or not. I will point blank say, THIS IS BAD! If we are placed in positions where it seems as though we are getting mixed signals from someone, these butterflies should be evaluated. A more subtle manipulation is when someone withholds information in order to again, “keep you on your toes”. If you are engaging in conversation and they give you short answers to questions, you may find yourself wanting to see them more in hopes to connect, hence feeling butterflies at the chance you get to see them and in times where they give you a little more about themselves. This creates the illusion that you are the lucky one who gets to know more about them. If butterflies stem from any type of illusion where you are just so special because they give you significance, these butterflies will turn to desperation for validation. Butterflies can be a beautiful indicator that you are excited about someone and that your energies draw each other closer but it must come from a genuine place.
Let’s set the setting: You are getting ready to see them and you are excited to share time together. You are eager to feel this rush of energy that emerges just by catching the first glimpse of them when you finally meet. You converse and share your depths to each other, every piece of information you get from them you feel butterflies because you continue to realize what a match you both are. The more you both share, the stronger these butterflies get and you both begin to open up about the feelings you have for one another. These butterflies begin as a spark, if two people feel that spark it moves through a flow of energy, and it only builds momentum. It's the feeling of an energy exchange from one person to the other. Butterflies are meant to be felt, it’s part of the romance of life and a gift from nature to find our match.
MESSAGE FROM VICTORIA GOLD
Love-life may be complex and sometimes frustrating to navigate. I hope that you can learn to trust your intuition that I like to call your inner-compass. Peace & Love be with you and remember I’m only a message away