Who should be the pursuer IN DATING?

I think many times we get self-consumed that we turn romance into this game and we get lost in it. We start asking, “well, why does it matter who asks who on the date?” “How long should I wait to text them?” “Should I play hard to get?”. I get it, we are influenced by this entity in us we call the ego. No one wants to be the fool, everyone wants to look cool and collected while they pursue or are being pursued. The ego wants to protect our image, I get it. Better yet, let’s accept it but let’s not let it consume our intentions. This is why I do believe there is a purpose for this dance that the pursuer and the one being pursued part take in. Although there is a purpose for it, I do believe that it’s gotten lost and it’s become a gray-zone for many. 

So, now we wonder, “well, then how is it supposed to be? How do we come back to the nature of romance?”. For a while now I’ve talked to my clients about masculinity and femininity but never posted anything public because I feared confusing anyone. Now that I see the world is becoming reintroduced to these energies, I am choosing to now write about this partnership. If we look at nature, we can easily find our way back to its true purpose. Despite gender, there is no doubt that masculinity and femininity is a partnership, a powerful one. There is a documentary on Netflix that deals with how birds pursue their mate, “Dancing with the birds” . I encourage you to watch it. I love recommending this to my clients so that they better understand these energies. They soon find out that masculinity is the pursuer and femininity the one being pursued. Why is this so?

Whether we choose to procreate or not, that’s up to everyone individually. We cannot argue with the fact that reproduction is the reason we all exist and so we naturally have this attraction to the pursuit. Chemicals are also released in our  bodies to signal to us that “Hey, this is a good thing”. Which is no wonder why we make such a huge deal about romance, intimacy, flirting etc we naturally can’t help it! A blog by Psychology Today states, “Dopamine is stimulated by the ‘chase’ aspect of love… Oxytocin is stimulated by touch, and by social trust”. Again, let me repeat, THIS IS A NATURAL THING. Where does it get all messed up?

If we don’t know how to control the ego, we will let it get in the way of this beautiful romance. Being that masculines pursue, they have a responsibility and they have the lead in the dance. I love salsa and bachata, there is such a thing as a lead and a follower, they are both just as important but it does mean that there must be an initiator in the matter. The masculines are the initiators, they are the ones that must be courageous enough to start the dance. Why does it matter? This matters because this sets the tone of the relationship. I have sat with many women  who complain about attracting passive men and when I ask who is the one who initiated the romance, they look at me like I’m crazy wondering why it matters. Then, I sit with men complaining about how they aren’t attracted to these women that want the relationship to go in a direction they aren’t ready yet. Again I will ask, who initiates the romance and they will say “well, the women do. I don’t have a problem attracting women”. I smile and we get into how important it is for masculines and feminines to honor their energy in these romance dynamics or they will build a relationship that isn’t fulfilling. 

The truth is just that simple, fulfillment. Just like we seek this in all the other areas of our life, the purpose of this dance is to become fulfilled in our love lifes. Honoring this dynamic feeds us in a way that we were programmed to but may be unfamiliar to. It takes genuine effort and genuine reciprocation on both parts. Trying to play games only feeds the ego that craves different things at different times. It will never lead you to true fulfillment. Being the pursuer does take effort, integrity, and courage. Allowing yourself to be pursued takes a leap of faith, patience and honesty. 

Message from Victoria
I hope you develop the ability to let go of your ego and partake in this dance when your intuition asks you to. Peace and love be with you. 
If you have further questions on how to develop this in your life. Please, don’t hesitate to inquire about your session because the first one is free!

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