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I remember feeling like I had been in a sad dream. I felt lost and I felt like that time I was 7 years old, caught in a bad fight with aggressive waves. My body unwillingly relinquished it's control to the ocean, I was getting pulled and pushed further from what I needed, air. In that moment, all you want to do is get out, find that light that will bring you back to that hope in feeling you will be okay once again. Closure must be created by you, for you.
Myths on closure
Movies and Reality TV have brought us to believe that closure can’t happen unless those that have caused us pain are present. I always thought closure meant that I needed my ex to be present until I challenged this point of view. I have always heard friends say, “My ex and I met one last time for closure”, and I grew thinking this was how it was supposed to be. My idea of closure changed once I had reached the ending of a 4 year relationship. Alone in my room I made a vow, “I am going to give myself the closure I need”, as I wiped my tears after a long uncontrollable cry.
The beginning is the toughest part because in many cases you are literally breaking this current of flow you were in with your partner; a romantic relationship. Hence the phrase, break-up. If you can imagine a river and then placing a piece of plywood at one end, you would notice that the current doesn’t just come to a complete stop, it takes time for the flow to stop in the direction it was headed. Spiritually, you are doing the same except there is no magical plywood that will force this current to a halt, you must consciously redirect your energy. The exciting part of this is, unlike a river without control over its current, you have the power of free-will to shift directions.
Your mind is still attached to the identities, routines and habits you have built with your partner. I remember feeling like I was literally being ripped off of all these realities I had built about the relationship. My fantasies over our future, the title of being a girlfriend, our corky gestures that would never be duplicated, all of it. I was being faced with what was at that moment, a painful self-confrontation. I knew that if I wanted to change this recurring flow my aura had been used to, I needed to create a new path for a new current. I recreated my flow by creating new routines, new favorite restaurants, new hobbies, special date-nights for myself and with loved ones, I did anything I knew would help my energy shift in a new direction.
I recall opening my eyes one morning and I no longer woke up to anxiety but instead I woke up to an inner-joy. I was still aware of the change I was going through but I was happy. That current that once felt out of my control was suddenly easier to control. Yes, there were moments I felt small vibrations of energy revisit that current, but the joy I felt in the new reality I was living was greater. It was greater because it was present and actively bringing me towards an even greater reality. All I had to continue was surrender to the current I had consciously created. Surrender to this current that kept me in harmony; peace.
Peace and love be with you.
Love, Victoria GOLD