Life is spontaneous, nature is spontaneous and so is the body we have dominion over but it also has a base structure. Without the structure of seasons, the earth cannot bloom to its fullest potential and without the structure of our bodies, it will not do what it’s required to do. Structure is the root of existence and the cause of clarity.
The importance of structure in Dating
We have reached an age of dating where there is a variety of people who follow different paths and long for separate desires. Some people believe in monogamy and others believe in polygamy. We find those who don’t really have a clue on why they are dating, then there are the intentional-types who know exactly why they date someone. Despite the differences, aiming to have structure in a diverse playing field gives us the ability to navigate with clarity. Without structure, we can often find ourselves confused, lost and investing energy in a relationship we know will not amount to what we want. So, what is the structure you may be wondering, that answer will come after you have identified your values
Sit for a moment and write down what you value the most in a list. After identifying your values in the mind, begin by identifying your values through your life-style. If you were to write down everything you do from Monday through Sunday for one month, and someone had to identify your values based on that, what would they be? I want you to really consider this because you may say you value something when in reality you don’t value it in comparison to what you actually invest your energy in. Values are what we invest our energy in the most. After you consider what you value through action, ask yourself if this aligns to what you actually want to value. If it doesn’t, this is where you should begin your structure. Begin to reevaluate your life-style so that your daily actions can honor what you listed that you value. This is vital when embarking in the dating scene because you will encounter people with different values that may not align with yours. If you don’t have an idea of how values actually mold your life, you may find yourself years later in a relationship that you have utterly lost yourself in. Once you have identified this first part of your structure, move onto your standards.
When we enter a job, there are standards we must abide by so that we can hold our performance accountable with the intent to deliver a goal. Without standards in your structure, there will always be room for betrayal and distraction from your values. If standards are meant to keep performance accountable, what is considered your performance? The actions you take to respect your worth and values. In your dating life, standards should support what you want out of dating and they must have a strong purpose. In the book, “Act like a lady, think like a man”, The 30-day rule is mentioned. This is the rule that specifies how long you should wait until having sex with the purpose that you and your partner build deep intimacy before there is physical intimacy. Do you see how the purpose is supported by a clear standard? 30-Days being the standard and building deep intimacy is the purpose. As you become clear with what you want in the dating scene, create standards that will result with a strong purpose you want to manifest. While you work on your standards, you will think, “I’m done!” but I will say you have one last step.
I can’t tell you how many times my clients and myself included have encountered situations that challenge the standards we have created. Sometimes you may be tempted to excuse a situation, person or even yourself because “one thing leads to another”. This is where boundaries come in. Boundaries are meant for the sole purpose of creating distinct red zones that you must not bend. These red zones can be classified as the decisions that could tempt you to dishonor your structure. When someone wants to lose weight, their boundary may be not to have chips laying around the house so they don't make decisions that interfere with their standard of not eating junk food. Boundaries are what build your understanding and tolerance for the standards you are holding yourself to in reflection to your values.
Peace and love be with you!
Love, Victoria GOLD
Marriage has been one of the most talked about life choices. As someone who has never been married before, I often get asked, “when will you get married?”. My sister who is a year older than me got married at the age of 23 and I am now 28. You can imagine the occasional comments, and this includes my sister’s determination in finding me a husband. As I get comfortable in my own skin, it has become easier to be less distracted with all the outside noise. Then, in moments of silence and reflection, I ask myself, “Is marriage for everyone?”.
The spectrum of marriage
I have observed our generation’s feelings towards marriage and there are two common sides of the spectrum. Either you think it’s old-fashioned, unnecessary, boring and destructive, or on other hand, you find that it’s the “right” thing to do, that it’s most familiar or you are infatuated over the idea of marriage. People have come to a time in society where they have exercised the freedom of making marriage a choice. This is a freedom where other places around the world don’t have. First and foremost, I do believe it’s a choice, but does this mean that this choice suits everyone? What would be considered the middle of the spectrum?
I sat with a cousin of mine who is married, has kids and a career. She spoke about the idea of marriage while she was growing up in the 90s and felt that it wasn’t a question of “If?” but “when?”. She emphasized that choosing to be married should come from a value created by yourself and supported by a deep desire to partake in such commitment. I listened intently as I thought about my own singleness and ideas about marriage. Not only was this a cousin of mine someone who I admired but I too resonated with her views on where the choice should stem from. As I reflect on the spectrum, I see that the middle is to stem from a place of purity. I use the term purity to express that it is a place where it is not contaminated by superficial motives like ego, time and the outward opinions. It’s about allowing the value of marriage to show itself through our own experiences, observations, curiosity and lessons of others. This will allow us to be sincere over our desire for marriage and discern if it's coming from a pure place. Lastly, in marriage it is about 2 people, this involves the moment of opportunity to choose to whom you will embark this sacred journey with.
Choosing the partner
I have witnessed the direct and collateral damage from choosing a spouse out of superficial motives. Oftentimes people marry a partner without knowing themselves and then discover who they are years after making a marital commitment and end up having to make devastating life decisions. I have seen family members marry out of pressure and then selfishly choosing to have an affair outside of their marriage. Close friends who lost themselves in the responsibilities they took on in marriage without any consideration prior to the commitment. Multiple marriages giving up because the love has left, not realizing that they chose their partner from utter chemistry and not love. I have asked a variety of long lasting couples who have been happily married and their common response has been that choosing your partner for marriage is EXTREMELY important.
The gift of marriage
Encountering a partner you can make a marital commitment with is a precious gift. I use the term gift because I am humbled in learning that having the choice at all, when and if that person comes into your life is a gift. It’s this gift from an alignment that is unexplainable and magical. I don’t choose to force that gift on my own through selfish motives but rather receive it if and when I get the opportunity. I have made peace with myself that my soul’s journey may or may not involve marriage in my lifetime. Although I believe marriage is beautiful when it comes from a sincere place, it is not what life is all about. I believe that the journey of many souls were meant for other lifetime gifts. Also, I believe that some journeys include the gift of marriage at a more mature moment in life. My uncle, who has never been married, is certain that he married his soulmate at the age of 55. In his experience, I learned the importance of relinquishing the illusion of time if I want to marry what could be my soulmate. I value marriage and I also surrender my own biased-control of what I think my journey MUST be so that I can create this life from a divine place beyond all knowledge.
Is marriage for everyone?
Everyone can get married but very few truly receive the gift of marriage through work, sincerity and an unexplainable alignment. Lastly, everyone’s journey has profound meaning and marriage isn’t always going to be part of it; this too is magnificently okay.
Peace and love be with you all!
Love, Victoria GOLD
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Can you see into the future? What if just for a moment, you entertain this with me. Let’s say that we had the choice of one of two goggles, one is to see in the eyes of pain and the other is to see in the eyes of pure and imperfect-bliss. Every time I feel hopeless and overwhelmed with all the destruction in the world, I retrieve the goggles of pure and imperfect bliss because I have hope that ONE DAY it will become our reality.
Men will one day be able to cry without remorse. Men will reach out to one another and put their hands on the back of their brother when they know it’s what they need. They will sit and let each other grief. They know that a true man can process grief and then rise up to the bloom of the next chapter. One day Men will feel the support of other men in moments of despair and hopelessness. They will know of each other's their short falls because it’s normal, it’s not seen as pointless nor weak, they come to see it as constructive for their path to becoming man. Men will feel light hearted because they will no longer carry it all in their minds any longer. Violence and the idea of taking their own life will become just story of the past. They will speak with honor and intention so that they can become aware of their fleshly-detours and recalibrate their hearts. They will harness their gift of decision and lead with humility. The power of their soul is what they wish to conquer.
One day women will value their strength and nurturing selves. They will wake up from the nightmare of having to prove their value and because of this, their insecurities will diminish. One day women will harness their role of being leaders of influence with humility. They will move with clarity, knowing that the power of their influence must be kept pure. Women will have extreme conviction in their power of influence that they will walk mindfully knowing that their moves inspire man. They will respect emotions and organize them so eloquently that they will communicate them with grace. Women will show each other how beautiful their gift of life is and they will give each other room to unload the troubles they carry. Women will listen with intention and support their sisters in coming up with constructive choices at the end of their unload.
THE POWER OF MEN AND WOMEN
I know that one day men and women will value each other’s differences. Their practice of self control and self discipline gives birth to the high admiration they have for each other. They will honor each other’s desires and the taunting will cease. They will submit to each other’s leadership without hesitation because they have the utmost trust for each other. Men know that without the power of woman’s influence, their decisions amount to foolishness and women know that without the power of man's decisiveness, their influence is left undone. They have no shame nor resentment for their leadership because they are secure in their value. They practice respect for one another by being grateful for the evident fact that without one another, there is no human existence. Men and women work intently to have rich soil filled with the vitamins of love and peace so that children can grow sincere and focused on their truest selves. They both value the next generation because they know that procreation is a gift. This gift that can only be manifested with man and woman. They know that they cannot afford any mistrust or division between the two because human life depends on their love for unification.
ONE DAY, WE WILL WAKE UP TO THE REALIZATION THAT WE WERE MEANT TO WORK TOGETHER.
We ask a lot from the new year, a new house, a new career, wealth and maybe romantic-love. We create vision boards, we make promises while we toast or write it out on a piece of paper. All to be better than the following year. Along with all of these beautiful desires we have, I believe we must be open to 3 of the many wonders of life.
1.The river of life
If we look at a river, we can watch the ripples vibrate in one direction. It is not interested nor distracted with the boats, nor the fishes or the wind that contradicts with its direction from time to time; it just flows. Isn’t this how life is? A constant flow pulling us with it despite our desperation to slow down or speed up. I personally desire to stay tuned to the flow, submitting to it and honoring it. Allowing it to show me and teach me through its unfolding truth that I am absolutely clueless of. Lessons that will entirely blow my mind and bring me to a higher understanding because to control every bit of where we go is to go against nature itself. It is absolutely freeing to know that there is a flow. That we must not try to attach ourselves to things and people that are not meant to go with us in the flow. To grab on to people or things in life is like grabbing a rock in the river as your energy drains away by trying hold on. We will flow effortlessly with others that are meant to flow with us, just like graceful leaves do as the river carries them together. Let’s stay open to the river of life at all times.
2. The wind of life
In my family gatherings, we must greet every single person with a kiss on the cheek even if there are 100 present and the same goes when we say goodbye. Isn’t this how the wind is? The wind touches all and greets all, never leaving anyone or anything unnoticed. I desire to learn from the wind and its ability to make everything feel seen as it enters and as it exits. Let’s also include the wind’s gift to appreciate every adventure no matter the length of it. It blows at surprising times, only visits to say hello and dances away when it’s time. Life has a way of putting people and moments in our life that we wish could stay, but we must dance away when it’s time. During this new year I hope to enter an opportunity and a living being’s space with the humility that I or they may dance away and that’s okay. I want to stay mindful so that I enter and exit everything this year intentionally. Let’s stay open to the wind of life at all times.
3. The mystery of life’s alignment
There is something unexplainable, magical, effortless and magnetic happening at every moment. We can move with it or move against it and it’s called alignment. There is an alignment that happens when we stay present with our intuition, our inner compass. It tells us to go left or go right and when we listen, we honor an alignment that happens for us. Those coincidences that aren't coincidences and those moments of sheer luck that aren’t sheer luck. We can’t explain it even though our mind demands proof of its existence. This mystery keeps me humble. This year I wish to submit my raging thirst for understanding and instead strengthen my conviction on faith. Let’s stay open to the mystery of life’s alignment.
Through out your year of goals and work, I invite you to stay aligned with these 3 truths of life.
Peace and Love be with you!
Love, Victoria Gold