The thought of letting go used to give me fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of change, and fear of the “what if.” Have you ever felt that way before?
Running through questions in your head, “How different will my life be? “Will I be able to handle it?”. Then, you ponder on the idea of what you would be missing if you let go of that person you have grown to love so dearly. That job you have placed part of your identity on. The family home you have engraved in your heart. All the activities you have given purpose to bring you joy. We call all this our life, claiming it as ours and leaving little to no room for what is unfamiliar. We become consumed with the chapter we are leaving behind, “our life.” Growing blind to the chapter that awaits us.
The unknown is what scares many of us, but isn’t it funny how we do it every day? As much as we think we have a grasp on what happens, we absolutely do not. The goals we long for, the plans we make, and the expectations we place on the food we order at the same place we go to are unknown; it can change at any moment. I have come to build a perspective that brings bliss to my fear of the unknown. This perspective comes to the rescue every time I feel a knot in my stomach when I appear face to face with change. It gives me peace and a thirst for the adventure that awaits me.
I have accepted the invitation to become the main character of the story my higher power wants to write for me. This story is responsible for bringing forth my highest self, the better version of me. Can I reject such an invitation? Of course, I can; I have the free will to do as I please. I choose not to, as terrifying as it may seem to do on several occasions. I prefer the unknown every time, unfolding with it and discovering the hidden gems in me. I would not have if I were to have manifested it all myself. This unknown chapter you may fail to see is nothing you have experienced, for the sake of not realizing the person you are for it yet.
Letting go of the known is to give birth to the unknown responsible for your evolution—molding you into a living and breathing art piece on this earth. Our only task is to listen, feel, and be absolutely vigilant to the sudden pulls and pushes our higher self-communicates to us, our inner compass. This inner compass surpasses all knowledge outside of the mind. To that, I say, let go and let your grand adventure begin.
We as a generation have reached a place where we are virtually connected to each other so why do we feel lonely?
This day in age we have everything at our finger tips, even accessibility to endure a love life. Social media and online dating have created a sense of normalcy by constantly state of being “reactive”. Creating routines of habitually scrolling, chatting and swiping, in which reacts to what our mind receives. This gives us an illusion that we are connecting to others. You mind becomes distracted but only temporarily. Stimulation of the mind has an attention span of a fish. The mind likes a challenge, being intrigued, and understanding the unknown. Once you have created a mundane routine, you reach a plateau of disinterest. Boredom is a low vibration that decreases dopamine, “the happy chemical”, in our brain. When the mind feels a decrease in this chemical, it starts asking “how can I increase it and how have I done it in the past? Let me ask you this, do you feel lonely when you are bored?”
How do you feel when you date someone new? Excited? Anxious? A rush of adrenaline and mystery? If so, guess what happens? Your dopamine levels begin to rise and cause you to reach a state of comfort and happiness, creating a sense of complacency. Unfortunately, we enable ourselves to remain in this state for the wrong reasons. We become blind due to the feeling of loneliness; in which causes us to seem needy and at times, emotionally unavailable. This causes us to settle for less than due to us wanting to absolve the feeling of loneliness. Suddenly, it happens! The cycle rears its ugly head and you are overwhelmed with the lack luster feeling of, you guessed it, boredom.. SURPRISED?! You shouldn’t be, considering the process of how the mind works. This is an experience I like to call, a dopamine high. Essentially, you wind up using said person (or people) to give you this feel-good high without even realizing it! You are convinced that swiping right will fix it, unfortunately that causes the cycle to continue! Have you ever heard that people stay in relationships because they have a fear of being alone? The mind plays a crucial role in this as well! Your brain wants you to stay because it has become comfortable and doesn’t want to cause a riff that may decrease your DOPAMINE (i.e. a break-up)! We must learn how the mind works to control the mind and not let it control us! A person who is secure has done one of many things, they’ve learned how to have a healthy relationship with their mind.
A person who is secure, doesn’t date when they feel lonely. They understand that feeling lonely has a lot to do with inner work. This awareness leads them to doing the inner work during their singleness in order to confront it themselves. They soon become stronger, confident and humble. This leads to becoming great romantic partners.
Feeling lonely should not be taken lightly. It’s an indicator that you have inner work to do. I remember being in a place in my life where I thought I loved my life and I had a great career but the more I reflected on my life, I realized I needed a career change! I realized there were some emotions, insecurities and baggage I needed to confront. I also realized that I was not challenging my mind because I had stopped growing. I wasn't reading, journaling and being adventurous like I used to! Instead, I was just watching T.V., swiping right and scrolling through social media. I was also not proud of many things like my relationship with my family. What are you doing or not doing that you have to change? Dig deep. What are you not proud of? If you feel that “I have a great life! I am just bored”, I challenge you to dig deeper. Feeling lonely is a time to dig deep and should not be distracted with the dating scene. This is your precious time. Don’t make the mistake like I did and think that a relationship could fix it, never being satisfied. I challenge you, when you feel lonely, look at this as a time of self discovery and dig deep!
P.S.Follow your Inner compass and stay GOLD!
Love, Victoria GOLD
I know, I know, you’re thinking men and women are so different, right? Wrong! They both have just programmed to deal with their struggles differently because of how their fears are wired. Let me explain.
Don’t make me a fool!
Women and Men both have a fear of being made a fool. Men don’t want to be used and women don’t want to be toyed with. Of course you might think, I don’t want to be both used and toyed with either! Having worked with men in my line of work and having talked to my female friends, I have noticed something, they don’t want one more than the other. Men work hard to impress and court the woman, where the woman then allows to be pursued. Did you notice the two different positions? One being the pursuer and the other the pursué?
The pursuer is trusting that the woman isn't just abusing his courtship along with other suitors just for selfish pleasure. Whereas the woman is trusting that the man is courting only her as a sign of respect for having trusted him to court her. They both have given their trust by their form of judgement on the other. Having given this trust gives the other the ability to make them a fool of having poor judge of character.
How do I attract?
Both men and women want to attract. Men want to feel significant by knowing they attract women and women want to feel desired by knowing they attract men. Deep underneath all of this, they want to be loved, one of the many human needs. Constantly over thinking, “did I say this right” “should I have done that?”. Men fear being friendzoned because their male friends have convinced them that this makes them insignificant. Women on the other hand, fear being with a man who desires all women, making his desire for her insignificant. They both truly want love but fear feeling insignificant to the one they want to attract the most.
Will this last?
Humans have a deep need for certainty, making this question ring in their ear every time it gets really good or really bad. They have this fear that it won’t be enough, that they won’t be enough. We want to know because we are scared of loss. We are scared of being the one who doesn’t make the cut. Men feel the need to provide, not just financially but emotionally. They feel that if the relationship fails, they weren’t man enough to provide the woman’s needs. Ouch! Women have the need to nurture life. Feeling like if the relationship fails, their nurturing love didn’t make the man feel lively enough to stay.
As much as you want to say both genders are different from the other, listen and observe first. Look at how differently they cry but how their tears come from the same pain and fear. If you truly want to learn how the other thinks, ask. Ask how they have been wounded in the past. Ask what impulses they have wired from their need to defend themselves in the past. Ask what makes them feel insignificant. Why do women and men seem like they could think the same as their belonged genders? Well, because they have a resemblance of patterns due to their fear of needs not being met. Even though they resemble one another, this isn’t a one size fits all. Don’t make the mistake in thinking you know all men or women because you have connected with their species before, their deepest scars have different curves than one another. I challenge you to ask and empathize because you have the power to heal a part of each other.