I know what you may be thinking, “Doesn’t jealousy and protectiveness mean the same thing?”. I want to challenge this by saying it DOES NOT mean the same thing.
Before we start, let's set the record straight, jealousy stems from being envious of someone or something. It grows from being in a state or scarcity and greed. Constantly doubting life’s generosity, as well as your abilities to attain and retain what is for you. Also, this is an indicator that you lack faith in what isn’t yours or what isn’t meant to stay in your life.
Do Not Confuse Jealousy With Trust Issues
Feeling suspicious over your partner is NOT jealousy, this stems from an insecurity issue over the trust of the relationship or trust of yourself. Either you have trust issues due to a past relationship and or your current relationship where you felt that you saw “signs” but you doubted yourself, hence not trusting yourself as a result of doubting your intuition. Every time you doubt your intuition, you grow mistrust towards yourself. Although this is not jealousy, if these insecurities go ignored, they can turn into jealousy.
When someone sees their partner talking to someone else and gets aggravated, is that jealousy? Let’s look deeper into this, if the person gets aggravated towards their partner, this shows that they are insecure about their partner and doubt their loyalty because of what they have experienced either with that partner or past relationships. This will transpire into controlling who their partner talks to and doesn't talk to which is best known as possessiveness. For those who get aggravated at the person who is talking to their partner, this could be an insecurity of self. Oftentimes they are the type of people who “don’t like to be lookin’ like a fool!”, in other words they are very ego driven and like to make it known to others in the room who they are with. They think if they do this, they will mark their territory and others will show fear by not talking to them, which to them means respect. Again, displaying a form of possessiveness. I want to make it clear that this is NOT a healthy reaction of habit to have, people are not possessions and if you or someone you know finds themselves here, please encourage seeking counseling from a life coach like myself or a therapist.
An instinct to protect our loved ones has been around for AGES! In our love life, we will often experience more of a protective nature if we best define ourselves as a masculine spirit. Their form of protection is to keep their loved ones away from risk of potential harm. Let me better describe this with a scenario, if they see their partners talking to someone else and they feel as though this person has ill intentions, they will become protective and make an effort to do something about it. Notice how they had reason to form a judgement on why they don’t feel comfortable with their partner being around that person, they didn’t just do it out of their own illusions and insecurities, it was solely to protect their partner. They will often feel this instinct in moments where they have thought ahead of all the risks, the “what could happen” and we must know that this is just part of nature.
Jealousy and possessiveness is a limitation to our vision which is needed to see the BIGGER picture. The bigger picture is designed to keep us focused on our journey to uncover our truest potential. There are different ways to heal but I will share with you some of my personal perspectives and experience.
Keep growing and keep healing, it’s a MUST.
Love, Victoria GOLD
Being friend zoned has turned into the new disease. No one wants to be friend zoned, everyone’s ego wants to be everyone’s type, isn’t that funny?
WHEN DO THEY DECIDE TO FRIENDZONE YOU?
Let’s consider the obvious and talk about what makes someone more attracted to us to be someone they’d date. The basics of romantic attraction is simple. If they feel good around you, they will be attracted to you, I call this chemistry. Second, if they find you physically attractive, they will have another motive to date you. Lastly, if they find you genuinely interesting, they will be more inclined to be around you because you stimulate their mind. All of these are the first initial sparks that trigger the primal thoughts of, “Date or Friend?”. In other words, if you don’t attract them in these initial sparks, you will most likely get friend zoned.
ARE YOU BEING TOO NICE?
People say that being nice gets you in the friend zone, but is that really what they mean? I believe it’s a lot deeper than that but at times we can’t articulate what turns us off about it so let me get to it. What really turns people off is that it seems forced. I have met people that are trying super hard to be nice but I can feel that it is not genuine at all. I can tell they just want me to like them and it worries me as to how they will be once I finally take an interest in them. I ask myself, “will they finally show their true colors afterwards?”. Then, there are others that are fully themselves and being themselves truly means that they are sweet, loving and caring. Immediately, I’ll have this sense of knowing that they are being true and they’re not doing it to just to impress me. Finally, you have people that mistake being nice to being passive and meek. Passive and meek people tend to turn people off when it comes to selecting a partner. We unconsciously know that we don’t want a partner who is a push over because this means they will have a higher probability of being a coward in moments of peer pressure. Meaning, they will allow others to influence their every move, they will be too cowardly to stand up to temptation and become disloyal to their partner. We must start calling it out for what it is instead of saying “they are too nice” because saying that is too vague for what we truly feel.
"LET'S JUST BE FRIENDS"
Many times, people feel guilty to tell someone they aren’t interested and they want to be less harsh by saying “Let’s just be friends”. Yes, it’s true some people don’t really mean that but some people do. Society has told us time and time again in movies, talks amongst friends and social media that friend zone is a “low blow”. Let’s also not forget that there are many different types of friend zones. For instance, there are people that don’t want to commit but they like the attention you give them so they lead you on and friend zone you each time (which is selfish and wrong). There are others that genuinely want to keep you as a friend and if you don’t let your ego get in the way, it can blossom into a life-changing friendship. Lastly, there are those who just don’t seem to know how to respectfully say that they aren’t interested so they coward out and friendzone you.
SO WHAT SHOULD YOU DO?
Get to really know who you are and what makes you, you! That’s where true confidence is born. DON’T look up one of those dumb “How to seduce the one you want” youtube related videos!!!!! Please don’t! They teach you mind games and how to cover up the problem instead of truly uncovering the issue. If you don’t find your qualities interesting and attractive, who will? You haven’t worked on yourself well enough to realize you are a catch, it’s no wonder you walk around trying to please people and then get disappointed when you get rejected. You are blind to the real issue.
I would love to guide you and uncover what is or isn’t working for you. Submit a message to me to find out how you can get a free session!
Love, Victoria GOLD
LISTEN TO OUR PODCAST ON
"HOW TO DEAL WITH THE FRIEND ZONE!"
HOSTED BY VICTORIA GOLD FT. JEREMY KUHN!