1. DON’T create illusions
It’s easy to conjure up all these ideas of a future-life with someone you really like, I know this because I’ve done this myself. I remember not understanding why I would grow attached to people I wouldn’t date for long and I realized that this was a MAJOR factor. I made a commitment to myself to stop doing this and break the habit by telling myself “let it go and focus on your present-life”. I did this EVERY TIME my mind wanted to stir up any illusions. I grew happier and more wise on my decision on who I wanted to date. When we form illusions on “what could be”, we make-up a whole person in our head that we identify with the person we are dating. The mind can’t tell the difference between what you make-up and what is the “real” person so it forms attachments and more so if you’ve imagined a long life with them even on a few occasions. Your mind carefully labels people in the “Tribe” pile like our ancestors did in the cave-man days to determine who was a stranger and family for survival. So if you have been creating illusions on your own, you basically “tricked” your brain into trusting this person by forming an attachment without allowing that romantic interest to do anything.
2. DON'T date without clear boundaries
We have a generation where dating is becoming the focus of our lives because of how accessible it is. Let’s start with where you should have clear boundaries: Online Dating-are you swiping left and right to an excessive amount of people? Do you leave your app activated and turn it off only when you find someone but go back to it after that’s done? Dating Multiple People-Due to the accessibility of dating, this happens a lot now. How is this affecting you and others? Does this support your overall vision of your life, or is it just a dopamine high you’ve become enslaved to? Cutting Ties-One of the biggest reasons why people are in bad relationships is because they don’t know how to cut ties with a romantic interest. What are the commitments to yourself when you realize something isn’t working out? What are the steps you take to cut things off? Defining the Relationship-What is your vision when embarking on this journey we call dating? What actions do you take when the relationship isn’t going anywhere based on how the relationship is going? Are you willing to invest your precious time into something that isn’t clear? As a Dating Coach, I see people wondering where the time went as they spent time on people they dated casually and never went anywhere with it. Choose wisely.
3. DON’T get addicted
Yes, addicted. I am talking about the dopamine high you get from the attention, the lust, the drama, the romance, the validation etc. the list goes on! I remember when I hit the age of 22 and said to myself, “I don’t remember the last time I was single”. I had forgotten what it looked and felt like. I was so taken away with the way dating made me feel that I was unconscious about how much my life revolved around it. Don’t allow dating to consume your life. No, it’s not healthy to not take a break from dating. Maybe no one has told you that before because of the dating-norm in our generation but it’s NOT OKAY. TAKE A BREAK. I’m talking about it all, online dating, casual dating, formal dating, flirting, etc. all of it. Take conscious time for yourself to appreciate YOU outside of dating. Do you even know what that feels like anymore? I embarked on a singleness journey for 2 years and I am NEVER going to see dating the same. I challenge you to commit to something for yourself that may or may not be different than mine.
Your Highest-Self is outside of what you have been subconsciously enslaved to.
Love, Victoria GOLD