Marriage has been one of the most talked about life choices. As someone who has never been married before, I often get asked, “when will you get married?”. My sister who is a year older than me got married at the age of 23 and I am now 28. You can imagine the occasional comments, and this includes my sister’s determination in finding me a husband. As I get comfortable in my own skin, it has become easier to be less distracted with all the outside noise. Then, in moments of silence and reflection, I ask myself, “Is marriage for everyone?”.
The spectrum of marriage
I have observed our generation’s feelings towards marriage and there are two common sides of the spectrum. Either you think it’s old-fashioned, unnecessary, boring and destructive, or on other hand, you find that it’s the “right” thing to do, that it’s most familiar or you are infatuated over the idea of marriage. People have come to a time in society where they have exercised the freedom of making marriage a choice. This is a freedom where other places around the world don’t have. First and foremost, I do believe it’s a choice, but does this mean that this choice suits everyone? What would be considered the middle of the spectrum?
I sat with a cousin of mine who is married, has kids and a career. She spoke about the idea of marriage while she was growing up in the 90s and felt that it wasn’t a question of “If?” but “when?”. She emphasized that choosing to be married should come from a value created by yourself and supported by a deep desire to partake in such commitment. I listened intently as I thought about my own singleness and ideas about marriage. Not only was this a cousin of mine someone who I admired but I too resonated with her views on where the choice should stem from. As I reflect on the spectrum, I see that the middle is to stem from a place of purity. I use the term purity to express that it is a place where it is not contaminated by superficial motives like ego, time and the outward opinions. It’s about allowing the value of marriage to show itself through our own experiences, observations, curiosity and lessons of others. This will allow us to be sincere over our desire for marriage and discern if it's coming from a pure place. Lastly, in marriage it is about 2 people, this involves the moment of opportunity to choose to whom you will embark this sacred journey with.
Choosing the partner
I have witnessed the direct and collateral damage from choosing a spouse out of superficial motives. Oftentimes people marry a partner without knowing themselves and then discover who they are years after making a marital commitment and end up having to make devastating life decisions. I have seen family members marry out of pressure and then selfishly choosing to have an affair outside of their marriage. Close friends who lost themselves in the responsibilities they took on in marriage without any consideration prior to the commitment. Multiple marriages giving up because the love has left, not realizing that they chose their partner from utter chemistry and not love. I have asked a variety of long lasting couples who have been happily married and their common response has been that choosing your partner for marriage is EXTREMELY important.
The gift of marriage
Encountering a partner you can make a marital commitment with is a precious gift. I use the term gift because I am humbled in learning that having the choice at all, when and if that person comes into your life is a gift. It’s this gift from an alignment that is unexplainable and magical. I don’t choose to force that gift on my own through selfish motives but rather receive it if and when I get the opportunity. I have made peace with myself that my soul’s journey may or may not involve marriage in my lifetime. Although I believe marriage is beautiful when it comes from a sincere place, it is not what life is all about. I believe that the journey of many souls were meant for other lifetime gifts. Also, I believe that some journeys include the gift of marriage at a more mature moment in life. My uncle, who has never been married, is certain that he married his soulmate at the age of 55. In his experience, I learned the importance of relinquishing the illusion of time if I want to marry what could be my soulmate. I value marriage and I also surrender my own biased-control of what I think my journey MUST be so that I can create this life from a divine place beyond all knowledge.
Is marriage for everyone?
Everyone can get married but very few truly receive the gift of marriage through work, sincerity and an unexplainable alignment. Lastly, everyone’s journey has profound meaning and marriage isn’t always going to be part of it; this too is magnificently okay.
Peace and love be with you all!
Love, Victoria GOLD
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