Are you jealous or protective in relationships?

I know what you may be thinking, “Doesn’t jealousy and protectiveness mean the same thing?”. I want to challenge this by saying it DOES NOT mean the same thing.

Jealousy 
Before we start, let's set the record straight, jealousy stems from being envious of someone or something. It grows from being in a state or scarcity and greed. Constantly doubting life’s generosity, as well as your abilities to attain and retain what is for you. Also, this is an indicator that you lack faith in what isn’t yours or what isn’t meant to stay in your life. 

Do Not Confuse Jealousy With Trust Issues 
Feeling suspicious over your partner is NOT jealousy, this stems from an insecurity issue over the trust of the relationship or trust of yourself. Either you have trust issues due to a past relationship and or your current relationship where you felt that you saw “signs” but you doubted yourself, hence not trusting yourself as a result of doubting your intuition. Every time you doubt your intuition, you grow mistrust towards yourself. Although this is not jealousy, if these insecurities go ignored, they can turn into jealousy.

Possessiveness  
When someone sees their partner talking to someone else and gets aggravated, is that jealousy? Let’s look deeper into this, if the person gets aggravated towards their partner, this shows that they are insecure about their partner and doubt their loyalty because of what they have experienced either with that partner or past relationships. This will transpire into controlling who their partner talks to and doesn't talk to which is best known as possessiveness. For those who get aggravated at the person who is talking to their partner, this could be an insecurity of self. Oftentimes they are the type of people who “don’t like to be lookin’ like a fool!”, in other words they are very ego driven and like to make it known to others in the room who they are with. They think if they do this, they will mark their territory and others will show fear by not talking to them, which to them means respect. Again, displaying a form of possessiveness. I want to make it clear that this is NOT a healthy reaction of habit to have, people are not possessions and if you or someone you know finds themselves here, please encourage seeking counseling from a life coach like myself or a therapist. 

Protectiveness
An instinct to protect our loved ones has been around for AGES! In our love life, we will often experience more of a protective nature if we best define ourselves as a masculine spirit. Their form of protection is to keep their loved ones away from risk of potential harm. Let me better describe this with a scenario, if they see their partners talking to someone else and they feel as though this person has ill intentions, they will become protective and make an effort to do something about it. Notice how they had reason to form a judgement on why they don’t feel comfortable with their partner being around that person, they didn’t just do it out of their own illusions and insecurities, it was solely to protect their partner. They will often feel this instinct in moments where they have thought ahead of all the risks, the “what could happen” and we must know that this is just part of nature.   

Healing 
Jealousy and possessiveness is a limitation to our vision which is needed to see the BIGGER picture. The bigger picture is designed to keep us focused on our journey to uncover our truest potential. There are different ways to heal but I will share with you some of my personal perspectives and experience. 

1. Singleness - When I started to feel trust issues, I was scared of my possessive qualities in relationships. I was aware that they were never there before and that this was a bad seed that was planted from my last relationship. I knew I needed healing to do and I didn’t want to step into any relationship during my healing journey. In this time, I needed to separate my ego’s perceptions and know my soul’s wisdom to figure out which of those perceptions contradicted that of my soul. This journey allowed me to heal that insecurity as well as many others I was blind to. This did mean I did not date, flirt and have any romantic ties with anyone for I knew this would only build on my insecurities and take away from my investment in myself. 
2. Counseling - Finding someone that can guide your thoughts and perceptions is always a good way to go. This will allow you to dig deeper on what is rooted from any unhealthy habits that keep you away from having healthy romantic relationships. This may also be a much faster approach since you won’t be alone in trying to figure out what you have built to think is normal.
3. Self Development - I like to call this, self-therapy, which is ALWAYS something we must do if we want to grow and truly want to heal. There is an author out there that has broken free from what you are going through and they might just say it in a way you will best understand. This was HUGE for my healing. When I was stuck and couldn’t find an answer, I would often find it in a book that challenged me to think bigger than I had. 

Keep growing and keep healing, it’s a MUST.
Love, Victoria GOLD