We as a generation have reached a place where we are virtually connected to each other so why do we feel lonely?
This day in age we have everything at our finger tips, even accessibility to endure a love life. Social media and online dating have created a sense of normalcy by constantly state of being “reactive”. Creating routines of habitually scrolling, chatting and swiping, in which reacts to what our mind receives. This gives us an illusion that we are connecting to others. You mind becomes distracted but only temporarily. Stimulation of the mind has an attention span of a fish. The mind likes a challenge, being intrigued, and understanding the unknown. Once you have created a mundane routine, you reach a plateau of disinterest. Boredom is a low vibration that decreases dopamine, “the happy chemical”, in our brain. When the mind feels a decrease in this chemical, it starts asking “how can I increase it and how have I done it in the past? Let me ask you this, do you feel lonely when you are bored?”
How do you feel when you date someone new? Excited? Anxious? A rush of adrenaline and mystery? If so, guess what happens? Your dopamine levels begin to rise and cause you to reach a state of comfort and happiness, creating a sense of complacency. Unfortunately, we enable ourselves to remain in this state for the wrong reasons. We become blind due to the feeling of loneliness; in which causes us to seem needy and at times, emotionally unavailable. This causes us to settle for less than due to us wanting to absolve the feeling of loneliness. Suddenly, it happens! The cycle rears its ugly head and you are overwhelmed with the lack luster feeling of, you guessed it, boredom.. SURPRISED?! You shouldn’t be, considering the process of how the mind works. This is an experience I like to call, a dopamine high. Essentially, you wind up using said person (or people) to give you this feel-good high without even realizing it! You are convinced that swiping right will fix it, unfortunately that causes the cycle to continue! Have you ever heard that people stay in relationships because they have a fear of being alone? The mind plays a crucial role in this as well! Your brain wants you to stay because it has become comfortable and doesn’t want to cause a riff that may decrease your DOPAMINE (i.e. a break-up)! We must learn how the mind works to control the mind and not let it control us! A person who is secure has done one of many things, they’ve learned how to have a healthy relationship with their mind.
A person who is secure, doesn’t date when they feel lonely. They understand that feeling lonely has a lot to do with inner work. This awareness leads them to doing the inner work during their singleness in order to confront it themselves. They soon become stronger, confident and humble. This leads to becoming great romantic partners.
Feeling lonely should not be taken lightly. It’s an indicator that you have inner work to do. I remember being in a place in my life where I thought I loved my life and I had a great career but the more I reflected on my life, I realized I needed a career change! I realized there were some emotions, insecurities and baggage I needed to confront. I also realized that I was not challenging my mind because I had stopped growing. I wasn't reading, journaling and being adventurous like I used to! Instead, I was just watching T.V., swiping right and scrolling through social media. I was also not proud of many things like my relationship with my family. What are you doing or not doing that you have to change? Dig deep. What are you not proud of? If you feel that “I have a great life! I am just bored”, I challenge you to dig deeper. Feeling lonely is a time to dig deep and should not be distracted with the dating scene. This is your precious time. Don’t make the mistake like I did and think that a relationship could fix it, never being satisfied. I challenge you, when you feel lonely, look at this as a time of self discovery and dig deep!
P.S.Follow your Inner compass and stay GOLD!
Love, Victoria GOLD