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We all have been here, “I’m just casually dating, nothing serious”. I have been there myself. Until one day, after being sick and tired of my dating life, I decided to really reflect on what I was doing. After doing some research, I was shocked at what I have learned and I wouldn’t recommend dating “casual” to anyone that desires to have a loving, long lasting relationship someday.
Let's start by emphasizing on the fact that love is not casual! You might start to disregard this whole blog already by saying “oh, but I don’t want to fall in love or anything. I just want to have fun” If you want to have fun, go to a festival, go to a park but dating is not the place. This word, invented by people who have been hurt in their past and too scared to commit again. This word that feeds our ego by saying that the person we are dating is “no biggie” just in case it doesn't end the way we really hoped it would. This word we use to excuse the number of people we date because we don’t know how to be alone.
Dating is way more profound than we allow ourselves to think. Have you ever been hurt while casually dating? Have you ever hurt someone else while casually dating? Romantic love interests are sacred. They aren’t for our amusement. They aren’t for us to just use as we please because we don’t know how to be single. It’s sacred. Why? How many people have you seen become totally different people because of a heartbreak? Or struggle with mental disorders they are trying to heal from because of dating? This isn’t something to just do “casually”. You may think, “no I can though. I have done it”. Let’s talk about how the mind works.
What you allow the mind to accept is normal, you have now identified how you want that area of your life to be perceived. Which in this case, it’s that for you, romance and love is casual. For example, to you it’s safe to identify it as casual dating in order to separate the different types of dating but the mind knows no difference. The chemicals received by your senses are identified as the same. It’s no wonder why our generation has grown accustomed to the idea of “fu@! Buddies” and end up treating their formal relationship the same. Your brain can’t tell the difference! You wire yourself to be great at this whole “casual” thing that you even start to casually date anyone you have a true interest with. You might say at this point, “no! I don’t do that”. No, you think you don’t do that. You see, you have created your own standards of love by wiring your mind how you want to perceive love; casual.
When you do something for a repeated number of times, you form a habit. So now I ask you, what habits from casual dating have you carried over to what your understanding of formal dating is? Can you even identify them at this point? Are you surrounded by people who date casually just like you that you wouldn’t even begin to have a visual example of something different? Have you grown these habits so deep that now you have settled for beliefs about dating that weren’t really there? Have you now unconsciously modified your perception of love? You wonder why people say the spark doesn’t last? Have you heard of the Honeymoon stage? You date casually so much that your brain is used to having different “spark” reactions at short times every time you date someone new. Of course the spark isn’t going to last. Your brain isn’t use to sparks that last! Your brain is just reacting to what you have been wiring it to do for so long in your reality.
If you aren’t used to dating intentionally. It’s no wonder you haven’t perceived dating as a loving, sacred and romantic place. You train yourself not to really “care” for your love interests and that it’s normal for you not to truly care. Not knowing your truest capacity of what that means.You haven't wired your brain to date formally long enough to truly value a true relationship because your brain has been seeing dating as just a casual thing. Aren’t you a bit curious about your truest capacity for romance and love?