I know, I know, you’re thinking men and women are so different, right? Wrong! They both have just programmed to deal with their struggles differently because of how their fears are wired. Let me explain.
Don’t make me a fool!
Women and Men both have a fear of being made a fool. Men don’t want to be used and women don’t want to be toyed with. Of course you might think, I don’t want to be both used and toyed with either! Having worked with men in my line of work and having talked to my female friends, I have noticed something, they don’t want one more than the other. Men work hard to impress and court the woman, where the woman then allows to be pursued. Did you notice the two different positions? One being the pursuer and the other the pursué?
The pursuer is trusting that the woman isn't just abusing his courtship along with other suitors just for selfish pleasure. Whereas the woman is trusting that the man is courting only her as a sign of respect for having trusted him to court her. They both have given their trust by their form of judgement on the other. Having given this trust gives the other the ability to make them a fool of having poor judge of character.
How do I attract?
Both men and women want to attract. Men want to feel significant by knowing they attract women and women want to feel desired by knowing they attract men. Deep underneath all of this, they want to be loved, one of the many human needs. Constantly over thinking, “did I say this right” “should I have done that?”. Men fear being friendzoned because their male friends have convinced them that this makes them insignificant. Women on the other hand, fear being with a man who desires all women, making his desire for her insignificant. They both truly want love but fear feeling insignificant to the one they want to attract the most.
Will this last?
Humans have a deep need for certainty, making this question ring in their ear every time it gets really good or really bad. They have this fear that it won’t be enough, that they won’t be enough. We want to know because we are scared of loss. We are scared of being the one who doesn’t make the cut. Men feel the need to provide, not just financially but emotionally. They feel that if the relationship fails, they weren’t man enough to provide the woman’s needs. Ouch! Women have the need to nurture life. Feeling like if the relationship fails, their nurturing love didn’t make the man feel lively enough to stay.
As much as you want to say both genders are different from the other, listen and observe first. Look at how differently they cry but how their tears come from the same pain and fear. If you truly want to learn how the other thinks, ask. Ask how they have been wounded in the past. Ask what impulses they have wired from their need to defend themselves in the past. Ask what makes them feel insignificant. Why do women and men seem like they could think the same as their belonged genders? Well, because they have a resemblance of patterns due to their fear of needs not being met. Even though they resemble one another, this isn’t a one size fits all. Don’t make the mistake in thinking you know all men or women because you have connected with their species before, their deepest scars have different curves than one another. I challenge you to ask and empathize because you have the power to heal a part of each other.