Victoria's Compass
 I know all too well about what it means to lose yourself. It means losing a grip on your true identity, it means being careless of your character, standing on sand because you have no true foundation on what you value. It’s like chasing ghosts in thinking that you can actually gain significance by running after the superficial. It’s never owning a mirror because you are too ashamed to look into one. It’s to feel like your body doesn’t exist because you can never gage the proximity of where you are. ENERGY I was putting all my energy into the idea that I was only somebody to anybody when I worked like a dog, or when I made money and when I got the next promotion. I could never be enough unless I pleased somebody and I used money to show them I loved them. I would get attention from being the best at a job and I got noticed by suitors for it. I felt like I was being liked for this mask and cape I would wear for only a small period of time. I was drained. I acted out and it wasn’t pretty. I acted out for many reasons. If I am honest, all this energy that got me lost came from this illusion in my head that I needed to make up for a lot. CONFRONTING THE INNER-BATTLE Trauma can do damage by distracting us away from what’s within us. We instill false ideas that turn into false deep rooted beliefs about ourselves. We try to run so far away from what lives in our head that we forget we only run away from ourselves and get so lost. I didn’t know I was lost for a long time because all of these exterior validations distracted me from what was really happening. Until, one day, this inner battle that was there constantly couldn’t stay quiet. Not by money, not by a promotion or a compliment. I remember sitting on my bathroom floor sobbing and tired of feeling empty. I asked God to show me how to get “me” back, I didn’t know it at the time but I was asking to lead me back to my soul, my true identity. I remember feeling peace in my gut and I stopped crying. The answer came to me so rapidly, “go back to your roots, your home”. This home isn’t anything you can touch, it’s everything that feeds your soul. My values had drifted away from me so far that I had abandoned the labor of maintaining the home inside me. I got up and knew how to do what I had never intentionally done, and that was to build my foundation. TIME TO COME HOME I got my journal out and wrote down all my values, I wrote down how I could honor these values, I wrote why they were there and how I would build on them. I worked on them like they were a job and I started feeling full again. I won’t say this was an easy process. It took so much trial and error. Soon I figured out that a lot of my habits were going to get in the way of honoring my values so I changed them. My attitude towards certain ideas of life were limiting my foundation and I changed those too. It was a process and I still learn more about my home to this day but now I know how to get home. I don’t know who I am writing this to but I hope you find your way home. Sit with yourself and ask yourself questions you are too afraid to answer. I invite you to create a log-in to the “Team GOLD” tab where you can find a questionnaire as a guide to get back home. I wish you peace and love. Love, Victoria GOLD
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 It was like I kept going around in a loop. I was certain of every turn, move and memory but the truth is, I was lost in certainty. It’s like knowing where you are going and yet reaching a dead end. It was draining, yet why did I feel like I knew what I was doing? It’s as if “knowing” had become my curse, and knowing kept bringing me to the same place, a hopeless empty place.
Recreating Patterns It’s been said that we are creatures of habit and if this is true then we cling to patterns. When we do something and it works, what do we do? Do it again! We stick to what works and stay away from what doesn’t, treating life as a cycle. Always repeating patterns, repeating the mazes we are familiar with and recreating events in different dynamics of our life. Patterns are one of the ways we force something in our life. We must become aware that patterns can be self-destructive when expressing ourselves and fully living our life. Becoming free. We may have heard that “If we fight for our dreams, we will make it!”, then you apply it in your love life and can’t seem to stop fighting to make it work. First question I have for you is, what are the patterns you keep repeating in your love-life? My Numbing-Normal Theory According to Mayoclinic.com, "(PTSD) is a mental health condition that's triggered by a terrifying event — either experiencing it or witnessing it". Now lets look at the opposite end of the spectrum to that. Wrap your head around the fact that what is normal to you, isn’t normal to others. Just sit with that for a moment. Whatever you expose yourself to, becomes your new normal whether you like that reality or not. Have you ever seen a movie that doesn’t sit well with you? Makes you feel sick? Maybe it’s a movie about how adults abuse kids. If this isn’t familiar to you, you will most likely get a thought that says, “this isn’t normal”. Normal isn’t just a word, normal is like a calibrator in your brain that helps you detect change. When your reality becomes to shift with repeated exposure, our standards of normal recalibrate. If you are someone who has seen people fight, neglect their loved ones and mistreat people, that is “your normal''. So what happens? Your standards can recalibrate and although others try to tell you to get out of a destructive relationship, you might not because your mind has no reaction “big enough” to question the change of environment. If someone mistreats you or you become the one who mistreats others, you don’t stop to question it because it is “your normal”, hence The Normal-Numbing theory. So, how does this cause us to force love? We disconnect from our truth, we numb what doesn’t “feel right”, we neglect what drains us and we tell ourselves that feeling like this is normal. I challenge you to question your normal. Questioning your reality If I were to ask you what peace feels like, how would you describe it? I can describe it as being in harmony with myself, feeling aligned and fulfilled. Do you feel that way about your love-life? Are those your ideas about relationships? Peace comes when we submit to the knowing of what isn’t love and surrender to what is. Peace and love is effortless, it’s always there to obtain but we, the human-self, become distracted with ideas that make it hard to hold onto. It’s not hard to obtain, this is a false illusion. It is effortless and anything that compromises your peace over and over, isn’t in harmony with true love. Let me ask you, are you really suppose to fight for love? Or Are you forcing it? Peace and love be with you! I invite you to check out more of our content by going to the Team GOLD tab to get access to free journal prompts and more! Share this if you find truth in it. Love, Victoria GOLD  It felt like there was a ticking time bomb and I needed to choose sides. I was in the middle, deeply connected to both sides, they both made me sad, they both made me happy, they both made me angry and loved, which side do I choose? I closed my eyes, taking deep breaths and my soul spoke in a language unfamiliar to the human ear; it was a feeling. If I were to articulate and express in words this message of vibration from my soul, it said, “create a bridge where you can remain connected to both and help build a neutral side so that others can see both sides”. True Human Nature I never truly understood my empathetic nature to its true core. It’s not just in my nature but every human’s nature, we all share this love for community. We all desire to be seen but most importantly, we want to see the creation of a movement as a whole and coming together like a symphony. Call it family, call it friendship or your ride or die-gang but we all desire to beam in a group. If we are all connected, when did we start to disconnect and form cliques? Suppressing Our Truth As we grow from a child, to a teen and to adulthood, we are presented with several narratives chosen for us depending on our “cliques” like culture, ethnic group, sex orientation, family, country etc. We start to instill this idea that we MUST choose a belief and surround ourselves with that same likeliness of people. We instill this indirect message that we must plant these roots and commit to that opinion or idea. We don’t realize that we suppress what lives in the soul, and it’s this longing to express uniquely while at the same time, love the diversity of the lights expressed in the orchestra we are a part of. Unified Sound I was in band for many years, I started playing the alto saxophone at the age of 7 all the way through senior year in high school. As I write this, I am shown of a beautiful truth about community, and that community is like a band. They all have different parts of a song, even those that are playing the same instrument and with that, they all have sub-practices that then prepare us for a practice with the whole band. These practices come full circle. For example, you practice first as a whole, then in the instrument group and lastly by yourself so that you can then practice back in your instrument group and then practice as a whole again. The purpose for this is to be responsible for your own individual sound so that you can bring the best version of your sound to your same instrument group that then part take in a bigger responsibility to the band to play together. You witness the beauty of coming together and bringing your best expression to one whole expression, because this is the true purpose of the band, to have a variety of different unique expressions in one unison vibration. Diminishing Disconnection Among many of our truths, one of them is that we are all connected, which brings forth the desire to be empathetic. If you strip away all the competitive ideas that the world has instilled in us, we find this pure truth to be aware of the sounds that don’t sound like ours. Listening to the narratives that we can relate to and also listening to the ones that we can gain broader awareness from. Empathy diminishes disconnection because it diffuses anger, offense, judgement and leaves us feeling undeserving of taking love away from people we thought didn’t deserve it. Through the navigation of your life, I invite you to connect to this truth when you ever feel tension that tempts you to classify anyone to be undeserving of love and peace. Love and peace be with you -Victoria GOLD  Want to listen to the podcast instead? I remember feeling like I had been in a sad dream. I felt lost and I felt like that time I was 7 years old, caught in a bad fight with aggressive waves. My body unwillingly relinquished it's control to the ocean, I was getting pulled and pushed further from what I needed, air. In that moment, all you want to do is get out, find that light that will bring you back to that hope in feeling you will be okay once again. Closure must be created by you, for you. Myths on closure Movies and Reality TV have brought us to believe that closure can’t happen unless those that have caused us pain are present. I always thought closure meant that I needed my ex to be present until I challenged this point of view. I have always heard friends say, “My ex and I met one last time for closure”, and I grew thinking this was how it was supposed to be. My idea of closure changed once I had reached the ending of a 4 year relationship. Alone in my room I made a vow, “I am going to give myself the closure I need”, as I wiped my tears after a long uncontrollable cry. The beginning The beginning is the toughest part because in many cases you are literally breaking this current of flow you were in with your partner; a romantic relationship. Hence the phrase, break-up. If you can imagine a river and then placing a piece of plywood at one end, you would notice that the current doesn’t just come to a complete stop, it takes time for the flow to stop in the direction it was headed. Spiritually, you are doing the same except there is no magical plywood that will force this current to a halt, you must consciously redirect your energy. The exciting part of this is, unlike a river without control over its current, you have the power of free-will to shift directions. The middle Your mind is still attached to the identities, routines and habits you have built with your partner. I remember feeling like I was literally being ripped off of all these realities I had built about the relationship. My fantasies over our future, the title of being a girlfriend, our corky gestures that would never be duplicated, all of it. I was being faced with what was at that moment, a painful self-confrontation. I knew that if I wanted to change this recurring flow my aura had been used to, I needed to create a new path for a new current. I recreated my flow by creating new routines, new favorite restaurants, new hobbies, special date-nights for myself and with loved ones, I did anything I knew would help my energy shift in a new direction. The end I recall opening my eyes one morning and I no longer woke up to anxiety but instead I woke up to an inner-joy. I was still aware of the change I was going through but I was happy. That current that once felt out of my control was suddenly easier to control. Yes, there were moments I felt small vibrations of energy revisit that current, but the joy I felt in the new reality I was living was greater. It was greater because it was present and actively bringing me towards an even greater reality. All I had to continue was surrender to the current I had consciously created. Surrender to this current that kept me in harmony; peace. Peace and love be with you. Love, Victoria GOLD  Moving on, this phrase we like to use when we want to turn the page but yet find it difficult to start a new chapter. How does it work, really? Despite all the whirl of emotions that were stirred up to make this choice, it is do-able and it will take conscious effort. Think about the times we have had to move on without any effort or even choice. For example, getting older, going from elementary to high school, getting a new boss, getting that new house, new car and many other life events where we experience what it’s like to move on. What makes all those events different from an emotional attachment we want or need to move on from? The clarity of knowing where you are moving onto. So, what makes moving on so unsettling for many of us? The unknown. The Unknown Human behavior has shown time and time again that it is difficult to be at peace with the unknown, why? The ego, this part of us that makes us human, the part of us that judges by what it has seen in the past and what it sees in the present to make distinct assumptions to help us survive. If you are not clear on where you are going or how you will cope while you move on, your ego will flood your mind with fear and memories to motivate your decision in not changing your situation. All of a sudden, you will consciously focus on thoughts that will cause you to settle because your ego will convince you that this is as good as it gets. Your ego will start to bring up all the reasons why you can’t leave the situation. Even worse, it will fill you with pride by focusing on what people would say or think and who would take the place you are leaving so that you grow blind with envy. We must be aware of our ego and remain conscious during this journey. Consciously Moving On Self-talk This is more than just saying positive affirmations, it’s about having conversations with ourselves about what’s on our mind. This causes us to consciously respond to any emotions that may overwhelm us at the moment so that we can detect what our ego is doing to influence us. Intention Having a focus on an intention is to take back control on where your energy is going. Being clear on what you want to achieve whether it be spiritual, emotional, mentally or even something tangible. This calms your ego’s motive to manipulate your mind by giving it some type of certainty that the new chapter you are moving onto is safe. The power of surrendering Having an understanding that we are a part of agape; this universal energy of love, and that if we are out of alignment with that, we have the power to let go of what doesn’t serve us any longer and come back in harmony. I wish you well on your new chapter. Build the relationship with yourself using constructive self-talk, taking action towards your intentions and surrendering through it all. Peace and love be with you Love, Victoria GOLD  1. DON’T create illusions It’s easy to conjure up all these ideas of a future-life with someone you really like, I know this because I’ve done this myself. I remember not understanding why I would grow attached to people I wouldn’t date for long and I realized that this was a MAJOR factor. I made a commitment to myself to stop doing this and break the habit by telling myself “let it go and focus on your present-life”. I did this EVERY TIME my mind wanted to stir up any illusions. I grew happier and more wise on my decision on who I wanted to date. When we form illusions on “what could be”, we make-up a whole person in our head that we identify with the person we are dating. The mind can’t tell the difference between what you make-up and what is the “real” person so it forms attachments and more so if you’ve imagined a long life with them even on a few occasions. Your mind carefully labels people in the “Tribe” pile like our ancestors did in the cave-man days to determine who was a stranger and family for survival. So if you have been creating illusions on your own, you basically “tricked” your brain into trusting this person by forming an attachment without allowing that romantic interest to do anything. 2. DON'T date without clear boundaries We have a generation where dating is becoming the focus of our lives because of how accessible it is. Let’s start with where you should have clear boundaries: Online Dating-are you swiping left and right to an excessive amount of people? Do you leave your app activated and turn it off only when you find someone but go back to it after that’s done? Dating Multiple People-Due to the accessibility of dating, this happens a lot now. How is this affecting you and others? Does this support your overall vision of your life, or is it just a dopamine high you’ve become enslaved to? Cutting Ties-One of the biggest reasons why people are in bad relationships is because they don’t know how to cut ties with a romantic interest. What are the commitments to yourself when you realize something isn’t working out? What are the steps you take to cut things off? Defining the Relationship-What is your vision when embarking on this journey we call dating? What actions do you take when the relationship isn’t going anywhere based on how the relationship is going? Are you willing to invest your precious time into something that isn’t clear? As a Dating Coach, I see people wondering where the time went as they spent time on people they dated casually and never went anywhere with it. Choose wisely. 3. DON’T get addicted Yes, addicted. I am talking about the dopamine high you get from the attention, the lust, the drama, the romance, the validation etc. the list goes on! I remember when I hit the age of 22 and said to myself, “I don’t remember the last time I was single”. I had forgotten what it looked and felt like. I was so taken away with the way dating made me feel that I was unconscious about how much my life revolved around it. Don’t allow dating to consume your life. No, it’s not healthy to not take a break from dating. Maybe no one has told you that before because of the dating-norm in our generation but it’s NOT OKAY. TAKE A BREAK. I’m talking about it all, online dating, casual dating, formal dating, flirting, etc. all of it. Take conscious time for yourself to appreciate YOU outside of dating. Do you even know what that feels like anymore? I embarked on a singleness journey for 2 years and I am NEVER going to see dating the same. I challenge you to commit to something for yourself that may or may not be different than mine. Your Highest-Self is outside of what you have been subconsciously enslaved to. Love, Victoria GOLD  Do you want to listen instead? So many times we look for external substances to feel fulfilled and yet each time they bring us into the subconscious. This state of mind that has already been thought of, they call it your programmed mind. Here we are left reacting to everything that happens which is an effect of the subconscious mind. If you are left in the subconscious long enough, you’ll feel bored and unsatisfied. What if life is just waiting for YOU? “Waiting for me to do what?” For the longest time I couldn't convey this, people would give me blank stares and looks of confusion. We are energetic beings and everything we do is powerful. I know these are just words you are reading but please don’t just read them, truly receive that, EVERYTHING WE DO IS POWERFUL. When your mind tries to understand what life is waiting for you to do, it will conjure up what you have already seen done or think you should do. STOP THIS. Be conscious and think of something so simple, let it stem from intuition. Intuition is your inner compass You won’t always understand this force inside you called your intuition. This inner compass that will guide you to life’s most beautiful experiences and hidden truths. Stimulate your intuition by being observant of your surroundings and being focused on life around you. You will soon get insight and I must warn you that you may take it lightly. You may feel a pull to draw when you aren’t someone who draws, or maybe paint, sing, read or dance. Whatever it is, listen to it and follow it through action. Do what it asks. Maybe it gives you a word like compassion, or a memory, or even a feeling; entertain all of it and ask for guidance, “okay, guide me to what you want me to do”. The answer may come in an image, an opportunity, a thought etc don’t over complicate it and by that I mean don’t try to make sense out of it because most chances are, it might not make sense. Your inner compass will oftentimes bring up insight you have never thought of before so it is okay if your mind has trouble making sense out of it. Power of Intention Over and over you will hear stories of people who will say they had no projected outcome of a business, piece of art or even a song that became a success but one thing is for sure, they all had intention. Whether it was to solve a problem, paint what they envisioned, or write a song to let go of pain, all of it is different forms of intention. When I was bullied I grew shy and at 18 years old I had a desire to break out of this shy persona. My intention was to get better at saying hi to strangers and from this came another intention and another until I broke through. From this came beautiful experiences I could only dream of. To this I say, be intentional about what you truly desire, anything, and observe the miracles that come from it. Anywhere there is dissatisfaction, there is a lack of intention. Remember that. Peace and love be with you. Love, Victoria GOLD  Want to listen to the Podcast instead? About 2 to 3 years ago, I sat in my own turmoil of confusion. Why did I feel so empty? Why did I feel drained? I couldn’t understand why I felt dead inside and it made me feel guilty. I was flooded with internal questions, “Am I ungrateful for the life I have? Am I just selfish? Am I just a complainer?” I began a gratitude routine, I felt like I was out of this hole just for a bit but I was soon sucked back in. What was happening and what could help me?
Situational Depression I know oftentimes we think of depression as a clinical diagnosis but that is only one case of many. Being in a state of short term depression is normal. Healthline.com states that Situational Depression can be developed by going through a traumatic event, high-stress, or a series of related events. Good news, you are going to be fine! On the other hand, how do we deal with it? Dealing with it There is no one size fits all, you have to find what you need. I know what you may be thinking, “What do I need?” but you know that answer way more than you give yourself credit for. Start becoming curious, ask yourself questions and feel. As vague as that may sound, I want to encourage you to feel. You may have everyday responsibilities like a job, school, family, errands etc and I know that sometimes we don’t stop to think how we feel. We just go through the motions in life, I get it. This is something you need to experience for yourself and the best I can do is tell you my experience in order to inspire your journey. My experience As I sit here and relive the experiences, I am guided with the numerous journal entries I wrote during these moments of Situational Depression. I will only be able to share 3 practices I have used for the purpose of length but these have done wonders for me! I will gladly share more on my Podcast.
Love, Victoria GOLD.  I know what you may be thinking, “Doesn’t jealousy and protectiveness mean the same thing?”. I want to challenge this by saying it DOES NOT mean the same thing.
Jealousy Before we start, let's set the record straight, jealousy stems from being envious of someone or something. It grows from being in a state or scarcity and greed. Constantly doubting life’s generosity, as well as your abilities to attain and retain what is for you. Also, this is an indicator that you lack faith in what isn’t yours or what isn’t meant to stay in your life. Do Not Confuse Jealousy With Trust Issues Feeling suspicious over your partner is NOT jealousy, this stems from an insecurity issue over the trust of the relationship or trust of yourself. Either you have trust issues due to a past relationship and or your current relationship where you felt that you saw “signs” but you doubted yourself, hence not trusting yourself as a result of doubting your intuition. Every time you doubt your intuition, you grow mistrust towards yourself. Although this is not jealousy, if these insecurities go ignored, they can turn into jealousy. Possessiveness When someone sees their partner talking to someone else and gets aggravated, is that jealousy? Let’s look deeper into this, if the person gets aggravated towards their partner, this shows that they are insecure about their partner and doubt their loyalty because of what they have experienced either with that partner or past relationships. This will transpire into controlling who their partner talks to and doesn't talk to which is best known as possessiveness. For those who get aggravated at the person who is talking to their partner, this could be an insecurity of self. Oftentimes they are the type of people who “don’t like to be lookin’ like a fool!”, in other words they are very ego driven and like to make it known to others in the room who they are with. They think if they do this, they will mark their territory and others will show fear by not talking to them, which to them means respect. Again, displaying a form of possessiveness. I want to make it clear that this is NOT a healthy reaction of habit to have, people are not possessions and if you or someone you know finds themselves here, please encourage seeking counseling from a life coach like myself or a therapist. Protectiveness An instinct to protect our loved ones has been around for AGES! In our love life, we will often experience more of a protective nature if we best define ourselves as a masculine spirit. Their form of protection is to keep their loved ones away from risk of potential harm. Let me better describe this with a scenario, if they see their partners talking to someone else and they feel as though this person has ill intentions, they will become protective and make an effort to do something about it. Notice how they had reason to form a judgement on why they don’t feel comfortable with their partner being around that person, they didn’t just do it out of their own illusions and insecurities, it was solely to protect their partner. They will often feel this instinct in moments where they have thought ahead of all the risks, the “what could happen” and we must know that this is just part of nature. Healing Jealousy and possessiveness is a limitation to our vision which is needed to see the BIGGER picture. The bigger picture is designed to keep us focused on our journey to uncover our truest potential. There are different ways to heal but I will share with you some of my personal perspectives and experience.
Keep growing and keep healing, it’s a MUST. Love, Victoria GOLD  Being friend zoned has turned into the new disease. No one wants to be friend zoned, everyone’s ego wants to be everyone’s type, isn’t that funny? WHEN DO THEY DECIDE TO FRIENDZONE YOU? Let’s consider the obvious and talk about what makes someone more attracted to us to be someone they’d date. The basics of romantic attraction is simple. If they feel good around you, they will be attracted to you, I call this chemistry. Second, if they find you physically attractive, they will have another motive to date you. Lastly, if they find you genuinely interesting, they will be more inclined to be around you because you stimulate their mind. All of these are the first initial sparks that trigger the primal thoughts of, “Date or Friend?”. In other words, if you don’t attract them in these initial sparks, you will most likely get friend zoned. ARE YOU BEING TOO NICE? People say that being nice gets you in the friend zone, but is that really what they mean? I believe it’s a lot deeper than that but at times we can’t articulate what turns us off about it so let me get to it. What really turns people off is that it seems forced. I have met people that are trying super hard to be nice but I can feel that it is not genuine at all. I can tell they just want me to like them and it worries me as to how they will be once I finally take an interest in them. I ask myself, “will they finally show their true colors afterwards?”. Then, there are others that are fully themselves and being themselves truly means that they are sweet, loving and caring. Immediately, I’ll have this sense of knowing that they are being true and they’re not doing it to just to impress me. Finally, you have people that mistake being nice to being passive and meek. Passive and meek people tend to turn people off when it comes to selecting a partner. We unconsciously know that we don’t want a partner who is a push over because this means they will have a higher probability of being a coward in moments of peer pressure. Meaning, they will allow others to influence their every move, they will be too cowardly to stand up to temptation and become disloyal to their partner. We must start calling it out for what it is instead of saying “they are too nice” because saying that is too vague for what we truly feel. "LET'S JUST BE FRIENDS" Many times, people feel guilty to tell someone they aren’t interested and they want to be less harsh by saying “Let’s just be friends”. Yes, it’s true some people don’t really mean that but some people do. Society has told us time and time again in movies, talks amongst friends and social media that friend zone is a “low blow”. Let’s also not forget that there are many different types of friend zones. For instance, there are people that don’t want to commit but they like the attention you give them so they lead you on and friend zone you each time (which is selfish and wrong). There are others that genuinely want to keep you as a friend and if you don’t let your ego get in the way, it can blossom into a life-changing friendship. Lastly, there are those who just don’t seem to know how to respectfully say that they aren’t interested so they coward out and friendzone you. SO WHAT SHOULD YOU DO? Get to really know who you are and what makes you, you! That’s where true confidence is born. DON’T look up one of those dumb “How to seduce the one you want” youtube related videos!!!!! Please don’t! They teach you mind games and how to cover up the problem instead of truly uncovering the issue. If you don’t find your qualities interesting and attractive, who will? You haven’t worked on yourself well enough to realize you are a catch, it’s no wonder you walk around trying to please people and then get disappointed when you get rejected. You are blind to the real issue. I would love to guide you and uncover what is or isn’t working for you. Submit a message to me to find out how you can get a free session! Love, Victoria GOLD LISTEN TO OUR PODCAST ON "HOW TO DEAL WITH THE FRIEND ZONE!" HOSTED BY VICTORIA GOLD FT. JEREMY KUHN! |
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