Life is spontaneous, nature is spontaneous and so is the body we have dominion over but it also has a base structure. Without the structure of seasons, the earth cannot bloom to its fullest potential and without the structure of our bodies, it will not do what it’s required to do. Structure is the root of existence and the cause of clarity.
The importance of structure in Dating
We have reached an age of dating where there is a variety of people who follow different paths and long for separate desires. Some people believe in monogamy and others believe in polygamy. We find those who don’t really have a clue on why they are dating, then there are the intentional-types who know exactly why they date someone. Despite the differences, aiming to have structure in a diverse playing field gives us the ability to navigate with clarity. Without structure, we can often find ourselves confused, lost and investing energy in a relationship we know will not amount to what we want. So, what is the structure you may be wondering, that answer will come after you have identified your values
Sit for a moment and write down what you value the most in a list. After identifying your values in the mind, begin by identifying your values through your life-style. If you were to write down everything you do from Monday through Sunday for one month, and someone had to identify your values based on that, what would they be? I want you to really consider this because you may say you value something when in reality you don’t value it in comparison to what you actually invest your energy in. Values are what we invest our energy in the most. After you consider what you value through action, ask yourself if this aligns to what you actually want to value. If it doesn’t, this is where you should begin your structure. Begin to reevaluate your life-style so that your daily actions can honor what you listed that you value. This is vital when embarking in the dating scene because you will encounter people with different values that may not align with yours. If you don’t have an idea of how values actually mold your life, you may find yourself years later in a relationship that you have utterly lost yourself in. Once you have identified this first part of your structure, move onto your standards.
When we enter a job, there are standards we must abide by so that we can hold our performance accountable with the intent to deliver a goal. Without standards in your structure, there will always be room for betrayal and distraction from your values. If standards are meant to keep performance accountable, what is considered your performance? The actions you take to respect your worth and values. In your dating life, standards should support what you want out of dating and they must have a strong purpose. In the book, “Act like a lady, think like a man”, The 30-day rule is mentioned. This is the rule that specifies how long you should wait until having sex with the purpose that you and your partner build deep intimacy before there is physical intimacy. Do you see how the purpose is supported by a clear standard? 30-Days being the standard and building deep intimacy is the purpose. As you become clear with what you want in the dating scene, create standards that will result with a strong purpose you want to manifest. While you work on your standards, you will think, “I’m done!” but I will say you have one last step.
I can’t tell you how many times my clients and myself included have encountered situations that challenge the standards we have created. Sometimes you may be tempted to excuse a situation, person or even yourself because “one thing leads to another”. This is where boundaries come in. Boundaries are meant for the sole purpose of creating distinct red zones that you must not bend. These red zones can be classified as the decisions that could tempt you to dishonor your structure. When someone wants to lose weight, their boundary may be not to have chips laying around the house so they don't make decisions that interfere with their standard of not eating junk food. Boundaries are what build your understanding and tolerance for the standards you are holding yourself to in reflection to your values.
Peace and love be with you!
Love, Victoria GOLD
Marriage has been one of the most talked about life choices. As someone who has never been married before, I often get asked, “when will you get married?”. My sister who is a year older than me got married at the age of 23 and I am now 28. You can imagine the occasional comments, and this includes my sister’s determination in finding me a husband. As I get comfortable in my own skin, it has become easier to be less distracted with all the outside noise. Then, in moments of silence and reflection, I ask myself, “Is marriage for everyone?”.
The spectrum of marriage
I have observed our generation’s feelings towards marriage and there are two common sides of the spectrum. Either you think it’s old-fashioned, unnecessary, boring and destructive, or on other hand, you find that it’s the “right” thing to do, that it’s most familiar or you are infatuated over the idea of marriage. People have come to a time in society where they have exercised the freedom of making marriage a choice. This is a freedom where other places around the world don’t have. First and foremost, I do believe it’s a choice, but does this mean that this choice suits everyone? What would be considered the middle of the spectrum?
I sat with a cousin of mine who is married, has kids and a career. She spoke about the idea of marriage while she was growing up in the 90s and felt that it wasn’t a question of “If?” but “when?”. She emphasized that choosing to be married should come from a value created by yourself and supported by a deep desire to partake in such commitment. I listened intently as I thought about my own singleness and ideas about marriage. Not only was this a cousin of mine someone who I admired but I too resonated with her views on where the choice should stem from. As I reflect on the spectrum, I see that the middle is to stem from a place of purity. I use the term purity to express that it is a place where it is not contaminated by superficial motives like ego, time and the outward opinions. It’s about allowing the value of marriage to show itself through our own experiences, observations, curiosity and lessons of others. This will allow us to be sincere over our desire for marriage and discern if it's coming from a pure place. Lastly, in marriage it is about 2 people, this involves the moment of opportunity to choose to whom you will embark this sacred journey with.
Choosing the partner
I have witnessed the direct and collateral damage from choosing a spouse out of superficial motives. Oftentimes people marry a partner without knowing themselves and then discover who they are years after making a marital commitment and end up having to make devastating life decisions. I have seen family members marry out of pressure and then selfishly choosing to have an affair outside of their marriage. Close friends who lost themselves in the responsibilities they took on in marriage without any consideration prior to the commitment. Multiple marriages giving up because the love has left, not realizing that they chose their partner from utter chemistry and not love. I have asked a variety of long lasting couples who have been happily married and their common response has been that choosing your partner for marriage is EXTREMELY important.
The gift of marriage
Encountering a partner you can make a marital commitment with is a precious gift. I use the term gift because I am humbled in learning that having the choice at all, when and if that person comes into your life is a gift. It’s this gift from an alignment that is unexplainable and magical. I don’t choose to force that gift on my own through selfish motives but rather receive it if and when I get the opportunity. I have made peace with myself that my soul’s journey may or may not involve marriage in my lifetime. Although I believe marriage is beautiful when it comes from a sincere place, it is not what life is all about. I believe that the journey of many souls were meant for other lifetime gifts. Also, I believe that some journeys include the gift of marriage at a more mature moment in life. My uncle, who has never been married, is certain that he married his soulmate at the age of 55. In his experience, I learned the importance of relinquishing the illusion of time if I want to marry what could be my soulmate. I value marriage and I also surrender my own biased-control of what I think my journey MUST be so that I can create this life from a divine place beyond all knowledge.
Is marriage for everyone?
Everyone can get married but very few truly receive the gift of marriage through work, sincerity and an unexplainable alignment. Lastly, everyone’s journey has profound meaning and marriage isn’t always going to be part of it; this too is magnificently okay.
Peace and love be with you all!
Love, Victoria GOLD
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Can you see into the future? What if just for a moment, you entertain this with me. Let’s say that we had the choice of one of two goggles, one is to see in the eyes of pain and the other is to see in the eyes of pure and imperfect-bliss. Every time I feel hopeless and overwhelmed with all the destruction in the world, I retrieve the goggles of pure and imperfect bliss because I have hope that ONE DAY it will become our reality.
Men will one day be able to cry without remorse. Men will reach out to one another and put their hands on the back of their brother when they know it’s what they need. They will sit and let each other grief. They know that a true man can process grief and then rise up to the bloom of the next chapter. One day Men will feel the support of other men in moments of despair and hopelessness. They will know of each other's their short falls because it’s normal, it’s not seen as pointless nor weak, they come to see it as constructive for their path to becoming man. Men will feel light hearted because they will no longer carry it all in their minds any longer. Violence and the idea of taking their own life will become just story of the past. They will speak with honor and intention so that they can become aware of their fleshly-detours and recalibrate their hearts. They will harness their gift of decision and lead with humility. The power of their soul is what they wish to conquer.
One day women will value their strength and nurturing selves. They will wake up from the nightmare of having to prove their value and because of this, their insecurities will diminish. One day women will harness their role of being leaders of influence with humility. They will move with clarity, knowing that the power of their influence must be kept pure. Women will have extreme conviction in their power of influence that they will walk mindfully knowing that their moves inspire man. They will respect emotions and organize them so eloquently that they will communicate them with grace. Women will show each other how beautiful their gift of life is and they will give each other room to unload the troubles they carry. Women will listen with intention and support their sisters in coming up with constructive choices at the end of their unload.
THE POWER OF MEN AND WOMEN
I know that one day men and women will value each other’s differences. Their practice of self control and self discipline gives birth to the high admiration they have for each other. They will honor each other’s desires and the taunting will cease. They will submit to each other’s leadership without hesitation because they have the utmost trust for each other. Men know that without the power of woman’s influence, their decisions amount to foolishness and women know that without the power of man's decisiveness, their influence is left undone. They have no shame nor resentment for their leadership because they are secure in their value. They practice respect for one another by being grateful for the evident fact that without one another, there is no human existence. Men and women work intently to have rich soil filled with the vitamins of love and peace so that children can grow sincere and focused on their truest selves. They both value the next generation because they know that procreation is a gift. This gift that can only be manifested with man and woman. They know that they cannot afford any mistrust or division between the two because human life depends on their love for unification.
ONE DAY, WE WILL WAKE UP TO THE REALIZATION THAT WE WERE MEANT TO WORK TOGETHER.
We ask a lot from the new year, a new house, a new career, wealth and maybe romantic-love. We create vision boards, we make promises while we toast or write it out on a piece of paper. All to be better than the following year. Along with all of these beautiful desires we have, I believe we must be open to 3 of the many wonders of life.
1.The river of life
If we look at a river, we can watch the ripples vibrate in one direction. It is not interested nor distracted with the boats, nor the fishes or the wind that contradicts with its direction from time to time; it just flows. Isn’t this how life is? A constant flow pulling us with it despite our desperation to slow down or speed up. I personally desire to stay tuned to the flow, submitting to it and honoring it. Allowing it to show me and teach me through its unfolding truth that I am absolutely clueless of. Lessons that will entirely blow my mind and bring me to a higher understanding because to control every bit of where we go is to go against nature itself. It is absolutely freeing to know that there is a flow. That we must not try to attach ourselves to things and people that are not meant to go with us in the flow. To grab on to people or things in life is like grabbing a rock in the river as your energy drains away by trying hold on. We will flow effortlessly with others that are meant to flow with us, just like graceful leaves do as the river carries them together. Let’s stay open to the river of life at all times.
2. The wind of life
In my family gatherings, we must greet every single person with a kiss on the cheek even if there are 100 present and the same goes when we say goodbye. Isn’t this how the wind is? The wind touches all and greets all, never leaving anyone or anything unnoticed. I desire to learn from the wind and its ability to make everything feel seen as it enters and as it exits. Let’s also include the wind’s gift to appreciate every adventure no matter the length of it. It blows at surprising times, only visits to say hello and dances away when it’s time. Life has a way of putting people and moments in our life that we wish could stay, but we must dance away when it’s time. During this new year I hope to enter an opportunity and a living being’s space with the humility that I or they may dance away and that’s okay. I want to stay mindful so that I enter and exit everything this year intentionally. Let’s stay open to the wind of life at all times.
3. The mystery of life’s alignment
There is something unexplainable, magical, effortless and magnetic happening at every moment. We can move with it or move against it and it’s called alignment. There is an alignment that happens when we stay present with our intuition, our inner compass. It tells us to go left or go right and when we listen, we honor an alignment that happens for us. Those coincidences that aren't coincidences and those moments of sheer luck that aren’t sheer luck. We can’t explain it even though our mind demands proof of its existence. This mystery keeps me humble. This year I wish to submit my raging thirst for understanding and instead strengthen my conviction on faith. Let’s stay open to the mystery of life’s alignment.
Through out your year of goals and work, I invite you to stay aligned with these 3 truths of life.
Peace and Love be with you!
Love, Victoria Gold
I was going through journal entries from my early twenties and I ran across several where I expressed my familiarity with loneliness. There was a specific one that stood out to me and I can recall it. No one was home and I had no plans. No one was looking for me and I could feel my body sink into the bed. My thoughts began to follow the anxiety I had developed in my chest and stomach. Thoughts began to surface, "I have nothing to do and that just shows how pathetic my life is. I have no one wanting to spend time with me or care about how I am feeling at this moment". That wasn't the first nor would it be the last time I had come face to face with loneliness. Due to these recurring episodes, I thought it was my fault for facing this over and over. That maybe I just wasn't loveable or maybe I was just pushing people away and all though some of that could have been true, these episodes weren't punishments, they were necessary but I was too blind to see it.
Reacting to Loneliness
Loneliness feels different to all of us. As for me, it felt like fear, sadness and like I didn't exist. The mind connects to our feelings and tries to make sense out of it all. Mine conjured up ideas on how to find the cure by scanning numerous options until my body grew anxious, depressed and soon impatient. My impatience motivated me to seek any distraction in order to let the wave pass over. I would finally convince myself that it was the only way to move passed this so I would look for that dating app on my phone, call someone to rescue me or I would scroll on social media. Anything to let the emptiness fade away. I had no idea that my reactions to loneliness were only numbing it but never healing it. I didn't think this could be healed, I thought it was just something I had to runaway from whenever it came. Until one day I was tired of going through this cycle and I confronted it.
Responding to loneliness
I began to learn that I was not my mind nor was I my body, I am a soul. This beautiful body is a vessel that allows me to express my authentic-self living inside me. The next time loneliness came over me, I decided to observe my body. I observed it like a parent listening to a crying child and asking them what they feel. Once I had begun the interview, the same low-vibration thought began to surface, the same memories that brought me sadness, the future and the past fought in my mind. My body follows my mind like a sibling does when they agree on what mutually bothers them. I, the observer of all of this, began to listen and discern like a parent would. Every time a thought came up I knew wasn't true, I transformed it and when insecurities arose, I committed to making changes so that my current self could be on the path to manifesting the highest most authentic expression. I was finally confronting all the parts of my current self I was ignoring or letting off the hook. I had forgotten my responsibility of recalibrating, it was up to me. I can honestly tell you that this moment was magical.
Our body seeks for our guidance. We think, feel, and the body follows. Sometimes if we’re used to a certain type of emotion in specific environments, our body will just repeat the energy we have attached it to in the past. To really understand this, think of what it feels like to dread something, but truly go there for a second. Where do you feel it most in your body when you dread something? Now let’s apply it to the gym, let’s say you dread going to the gym, and you repeat that vibration over and over, we will train that in our body. Our energy changes like water does when you put a drop of dye in it. Observation is the start of our recalibration. Our job at this moment is to seek a shift of perspective. A higher perspective is always at reach and ready to recalibrate our energy. While on my journey of healing my loneliness, I learned that we must be masters of shifting perspective, that’s where the healing emerges. Once I applied this key, I never went through loneliness the same again.
Message from Victoria
I hope that in moments of loneliness, you can sit, go through the motions like you would to master a cold shower. Sit through the discomfort with the purpose of observing the body and mind. Then, start to slowly but surely take control back consciously and with consistency, you will come closer to expressing your truest-self, your soul.
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I was so happy December was here! I wanted all the Christmas adventures, traditions and profound meanings of this Season. I was so joyful to get started on all of it and at the end of my day, I decided to watch a Christmas movie. Once the movie ended, I felt so incredibly lonely. At that moment i wasn't too sure where it was coming from so I decided to watch another movie to change my mood. I skimmed through the rest of the holiday movie options and I was stunned by the fact that 95% of the holiday movies were about Romantic-love.
What have we done to Christmas?
Are we making this the loneliest time of the year?
I observed this feeling of anxiety come over me when I thought of my single-status over the holidays. I thought to myself, “Why am I feeling this way after this movie? I didn’t feel this way about my singleness before”. I sat there curious about the other holiday movies and as I watched the previews I noticed that the MAJORITY of the movies revolved around someone being single and lonely. Movies like, “Love Hard”, “The Knight Before Christmas”, “Holiday In The Wild”, “The Holiday Calendar”, “Holidate”, ”My Dad’s Christmas Date”, “Single All the Way”, the list goes on and on! The storylines of these movies were all the same, they were based around the idea that they must find romance during the holidays and to our surprise, the director makes sure that the movie ends with them finding it. All the singles in these holiday movies weren’t portrayed as someone who was secure and fulfilled, it all showed them depressed, desperate and heart broken. It’s no wonder people feel the loneliest during the holidays! USA Today stated, “The busiest day of the year for online dating is the 5th of January” (https://www.usatoday.com/tech/). The world is influencing our idea of what it means to be single during the holidays. Filling our mind with the idea that you can’t enjoy the holidays UNLESS you “find romance”.
Are we losing sight of Christmas?
I had to really take a step back after seeing this pattern in movies. I decided to clean and decorate so I put some Christmas music on. Aware of the influence in movies, it didn’t come to a surprise when I witnessed the same influence in music. Songs like, “All I want for Christmas is you”, “Under the mistletoe”, “Santa tell me”, “Christmas without you” etc. All of it revolved around fantasizing Romance during the holidays. At this point you may think, “So what?!”. Then I ask you, does it not make you sad? Does it not sadden you that we have made that a primal focus of Christmas? Letting the world get clouded and lose sight of the true meaning of Christmas.
I promise you that Romantic-love isn’t about Christmas. Romantic-love happens all year round when we are in alignment for it. Whether you believe in Jesus Christ or not, Christmas is about his birth. Before you disregard this whole blog because you don’t follow him, at least honor what he stood for if you choose to celebrate Christmas. He stood for what MANY people stand for despite religion, and that is, Agape Love. Agape Love is an unconditional, self-sacrificing love that is said by many spiritual leaders to be above all other “types” of love. Jesus’ birth is a story of perseverance, sacrifice, humility, service and so much more. If you enjoy the traditions that have been inspired through Christmas, all I ask is that you welcome Agape love, if anything else, make Christmas about that.
How do you make Christmas about that?
Initiate servanthood and help a friend, a stranger; someone in need. Truly serve someone who needs your love because acts of kindness are pretty but acts of serving someone in need are life changing. Look for an absence of love and be the one to bring love in that absence. That space can either be a home, work, person and even nature. You also make Christmas about it when you persevere for someone else. Who needs hope around you to help them persevere? One of my favorites is Humility through forgiveness and apology. Who do you need to forgive? Who do you need to apologize to? Another one of my favorites is Unity. Is there anywhere you can fill a gap to unite people? Maybe someone needs encouragement to unite with their family. Maybe it’s time for you to create unity through a cause? All of these beautiful initiations can start to bring back the true meaning of Christmas.
P.S. You are not lonely during this season, you have just become distracted by the influence of the world and it’s time to refocus. Peace and love be with you!
Love, Victoria GOLD
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I know all too well about what it means to lose yourself. It means losing a grip on your true identity, it means being careless of your character, standing on sand because you have no true foundation on what you value. It’s like chasing ghosts in thinking that you can actually gain significance by running after the superficial. It’s never owning a mirror because you are too ashamed to look into one. It’s to feel like your body doesn’t exist because you can never gage the proximity of where you are.
I was putting all my energy into the idea that I was only somebody to anybody when I worked like a dog, or when I made money and when I got the next promotion. I could never be enough unless I pleased somebody and I used money to show them I loved them. I would get attention from being the best at a job and I got noticed by suitors for it. I felt like I was being liked for this mask and cape I would wear for only a small period of time. I was drained. I acted out and it wasn’t pretty. I acted out for many reasons. If I am honest, all this energy that got me lost came from this illusion in my head that I needed to make up for a lot.
CONFRONTING THE INNER-BATTLE
Trauma can do damage by distracting us away from what’s within us. We instill false ideas that turn into false deep rooted beliefs about ourselves. We try to run so far away from what lives in our head that we forget we only run away from ourselves and get so lost. I didn’t know I was lost for a long time because all of these exterior validations distracted me from what was really happening. Until, one day, this inner battle that was there constantly couldn’t stay quiet. Not by money, not by a promotion or a compliment. I remember sitting on my bathroom floor sobbing and tired of feeling empty. I asked God to show me how to get “me” back, I didn’t know it at the time but I was asking to lead me back to my soul, my true identity. I remember feeling peace in my gut and I stopped crying. The answer came to me so rapidly, “go back to your roots, your home”. This home isn’t anything you can touch, it’s everything that feeds your soul. My values had drifted away from me so far that I had abandoned the labor of maintaining the home inside me. I got up and knew how to do what I had never intentionally done, and that was to build my foundation.
TIME TO COME HOME
I got my journal out and wrote down all my values, I wrote down how I could honor these values, I wrote why they were there and how I would build on them. I worked on them like they were a job and I started feeling full again. I won’t say this was an easy process. It took so much trial and error. Soon I figured out that a lot of my habits were going to get in the way of honoring my values so I changed them. My attitude towards certain ideas of life were limiting my foundation and I changed those too. It was a process and I still learn more about my home to this day but now I know how to get home.
I don’t know who I am writing this to but I hope you find your way home. Sit with yourself and ask yourself questions you are too afraid to answer. I invite you to create a log-in to the “Team GOLD” tab where you can find a questionnaire as a guide to get back home. I wish you peace and love.
Love, Victoria GOLD
It was like I kept going around in a loop. I was certain of every turn, move and memory but the truth is, I was lost in certainty. It’s like knowing where you are going and yet reaching a dead end. It was draining, yet why did I feel like I knew what I was doing? It’s as if “knowing” had become my curse, and knowing kept bringing me to the same place, a hopeless empty place.
It’s been said that we are creatures of habit and if this is true then we cling to patterns. When we do something and it works, what do we do? Do it again! We stick to what works and stay away from what doesn’t, treating life as a cycle. Always repeating patterns, repeating the mazes we are familiar with and recreating events in different dynamics of our life. Patterns are one of the ways we force something in our life. We must become aware that patterns can be self-destructive when expressing ourselves and fully living our life. Becoming free. We may have heard that “If we fight for our dreams, we will make it!”, then you apply it in your love life and can’t seem to stop fighting to make it work. First question I have for you is, what are the patterns you keep repeating in your love-life?
My Numbing-Normal Theory
According to Mayoclinic.com, "(PTSD) is a mental health condition that's triggered by a terrifying event — either experiencing it or witnessing it". Now lets look at the opposite end of the spectrum to that. Wrap your head around the fact that what is normal to you, isn’t normal to others. Just sit with that for a moment. Whatever you expose yourself to, becomes your new normal whether you like that reality or not. Have you ever seen a movie that doesn’t sit well with you? Makes you feel sick? Maybe it’s a movie about how adults abuse kids. If this isn’t familiar to you, you will most likely get a thought that says, “this isn’t normal”. Normal isn’t just a word, normal is like a calibrator in your brain that helps you detect change. When your reality becomes to shift with repeated exposure, our standards of normal recalibrate. If you are someone who has seen people fight, neglect their loved ones and mistreat people, that is “your normal''. So what happens? Your standards can recalibrate and although others try to tell you to get out of a destructive relationship, you might not because your mind has no reaction “big enough” to question the change of environment. If someone mistreats you or you become the one who mistreats others, you don’t stop to question it because it is “your normal”, hence The Normal-Numbing theory. So, how does this cause us to force love? We disconnect from our truth, we numb what doesn’t “feel right”, we neglect what drains us and we tell ourselves that feeling like this is normal.
I challenge you to question your normal.
Questioning your reality
If I were to ask you what peace feels like, how would you describe it?
I can describe it as being in harmony with myself, feeling aligned and fulfilled. Do you feel that way about your love-life? Are those your ideas about relationships? Peace comes when we submit to the knowing of what isn’t love and surrender to what is. Peace and love is effortless, it’s always there to obtain but we, the human-self, become distracted with ideas that make it hard to hold onto. It’s not hard to obtain, this is a false illusion. It is effortless and anything that compromises your peace over and over, isn’t in harmony with true love. Let me ask you, are you really suppose to fight for love? Or Are you forcing it?
Peace and love be with you!
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Love, Victoria GOLD
It felt like there was a ticking time bomb and I needed to choose sides. I was in the middle, deeply connected to both sides, they both made me sad, they both made me happy, they both made me angry and loved, which side do I choose? I closed my eyes, taking deep breaths and my soul spoke in a language unfamiliar to the human ear; it was a feeling. If I were to articulate and express in words this message of vibration from my soul, it said, “create a bridge where you can remain connected to both and help build a neutral side so that others can see both sides”.
True Human Nature
I never truly understood my empathetic nature to its true core. It’s not just in my nature but every human’s nature, we all share this love for community. We all desire to be seen but most importantly, we want to see the creation of a movement as a whole and coming together like a symphony. Call it family, call it friendship or your ride or die-gang but we all desire to beam in a group. If we are all connected, when did we start to disconnect and form cliques?
Suppressing Our Truth
As we grow from a child, to a teen and to adulthood, we are presented with several narratives chosen for us depending on our “cliques” like culture, ethnic group, sex orientation, family, country etc. We start to instill this idea that we MUST choose a belief and surround ourselves with that same likeliness of people. We instill this indirect message that we must plant these roots and commit to that opinion or idea. We don’t realize that we suppress what lives in the soul, and it’s this longing to express uniquely while at the same time, love the diversity of the lights expressed in the orchestra we are a part of.
I was in band for many years, I started playing the alto saxophone at the age of 7 all the way through senior year in high school. As I write this, I am shown of a beautiful truth about community, and that community is like a band. They all have different parts of a song, even those that are playing the same instrument and with that, they all have sub-practices that then prepare us for a practice with the whole band. These practices come full circle. For example, you practice first as a whole, then in the instrument group and lastly by yourself so that you can then practice back in your instrument group and then practice as a whole again. The purpose for this is to be responsible for your own individual sound so that you can bring the best version of your sound to your same instrument group that then part take in a bigger responsibility to the band to play together. You witness the beauty of coming together and bringing your best expression to one whole expression, because this is the true purpose of the band, to have a variety of different unique expressions in one unison vibration.
Among many of our truths, one of them is that we are all connected, which brings forth the desire to be empathetic. If you strip away all the competitive ideas that the world has instilled in us, we find this pure truth to be aware of the sounds that don’t sound like ours. Listening to the narratives that we can relate to and also listening to the ones that we can gain broader awareness from. Empathy diminishes disconnection because it diffuses anger, offense, judgement and leaves us feeling undeserving of taking love away from people we thought didn’t deserve it.
Through the navigation of your life, I invite you to connect to this truth when you ever feel tension that tempts you to classify anyone to be undeserving of love and peace.
Love and peace be with you
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I remember feeling like I had been in a sad dream. I felt lost and I felt like that time I was 7 years old, caught in a bad fight with aggressive waves. My body unwillingly relinquished it's control to the ocean, I was getting pulled and pushed further from what I needed, air. In that moment, all you want to do is get out, find that light that will bring you back to that hope in feeling you will be okay once again. Closure must be created by you, for you.
Myths on closure
Movies and Reality TV have brought us to believe that closure can’t happen unless those that have caused us pain are present. I always thought closure meant that I needed my ex to be present until I challenged this point of view. I have always heard friends say, “My ex and I met one last time for closure”, and I grew thinking this was how it was supposed to be. My idea of closure changed once I had reached the ending of a 4 year relationship. Alone in my room I made a vow, “I am going to give myself the closure I need”, as I wiped my tears after a long uncontrollable cry.
The beginning is the toughest part because in many cases you are literally breaking this current of flow you were in with your partner; a romantic relationship. Hence the phrase, break-up. If you can imagine a river and then placing a piece of plywood at one end, you would notice that the current doesn’t just come to a complete stop, it takes time for the flow to stop in the direction it was headed. Spiritually, you are doing the same except there is no magical plywood that will force this current to a halt, you must consciously redirect your energy. The exciting part of this is, unlike a river without control over its current, you have the power of free-will to shift directions.
Your mind is still attached to the identities, routines and habits you have built with your partner. I remember feeling like I was literally being ripped off of all these realities I had built about the relationship. My fantasies over our future, the title of being a girlfriend, our corky gestures that would never be duplicated, all of it. I was being faced with what was at that moment, a painful self-confrontation. I knew that if I wanted to change this recurring flow my aura had been used to, I needed to create a new path for a new current. I recreated my flow by creating new routines, new favorite restaurants, new hobbies, special date-nights for myself and with loved ones, I did anything I knew would help my energy shift in a new direction.
I recall opening my eyes one morning and I no longer woke up to anxiety but instead I woke up to an inner-joy. I was still aware of the change I was going through but I was happy. That current that once felt out of my control was suddenly easier to control. Yes, there were moments I felt small vibrations of energy revisit that current, but the joy I felt in the new reality I was living was greater. It was greater because it was present and actively bringing me towards an even greater reality. All I had to continue was surrender to the current I had consciously created. Surrender to this current that kept me in harmony; peace.
Peace and love be with you.
Love, Victoria GOLD