Victoria's Compass
 Want to listen to the podcast instead? I remember feeling like I had been in a sad dream. I felt lost and I felt like that time I was 7 years old, caught in a bad fight with aggressive waves. My body unwillingly relinquished it's control to the ocean, I was getting pulled and pushed further from what I needed, air. In that moment, all you want to do is get out, find that light that will bring you back to that hope in feeling you will be okay once again. Closure must be created by you, for you. Myths on closure Movies and Reality TV have brought us to believe that closure can’t happen unless those that have caused us pain are present. I always thought closure meant that I needed my ex to be present until I challenged this point of view. I have always heard friends say, “My ex and I met one last time for closure”, and I grew thinking this was how it was supposed to be. My idea of closure changed once I had reached the ending of a 4 year relationship. Alone in my room I made a vow, “I am going to give myself the closure I need”, as I wiped my tears after a long uncontrollable cry. The beginning The beginning is the toughest part because in many cases you are literally breaking this current of flow you were in with your partner; a romantic relationship. Hence the phrase, break-up. If you can imagine a river and then placing a piece of plywood at one end, you would notice that the current doesn’t just come to a complete stop, it takes time for the flow to stop in the direction it was headed. Spiritually, you are doing the same except there is no magical plywood that will force this current to a halt, you must consciously redirect your energy. The exciting part of this is, unlike a river without control over its current, you have the power of free-will to shift directions. The middle Your mind is still attached to the identities, routines and habits you have built with your partner. I remember feeling like I was literally being ripped off of all these realities I had built about the relationship. My fantasies over our future, the title of being a girlfriend, our corky gestures that would never be duplicated, all of it. I was being faced with what was at that moment, a painful self-confrontation. I knew that if I wanted to change this recurring flow my aura had been used to, I needed to create a new path for a new current. I recreated my flow by creating new routines, new favorite restaurants, new hobbies, special date-nights for myself and with loved ones, I did anything I knew would help my energy shift in a new direction. The end I recall opening my eyes one morning and I no longer woke up to anxiety but instead I woke up to an inner-joy. I was still aware of the change I was going through but I was happy. That current that once felt out of my control was suddenly easier to control. Yes, there were moments I felt small vibrations of energy revisit that current, but the joy I felt in the new reality I was living was greater. It was greater because it was present and actively bringing me towards an even greater reality. All I had to continue was surrender to the current I had consciously created. Surrender to this current that kept me in harmony; peace. Peace and love be with you. Love, Victoria GOLD
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 Moving on, this phrase we like to use when we want to turn the page but yet find it difficult to start a new chapter. How does it work, really? Despite all the whirl of emotions that were stirred up to make this choice, it is do-able and it will take conscious effort. Think about the times we have had to move on without any effort or even choice. For example, getting older, going from elementary to high school, getting a new boss, getting that new house, new car and many other life events where we experience what it’s like to move on. What makes all those events different from an emotional attachment we want or need to move on from? The clarity of knowing where you are moving onto. So, what makes moving on so unsettling for many of us? The unknown. The Unknown Human behavior has shown time and time again that it is difficult to be at peace with the unknown, why? The ego, this part of us that makes us human, the part of us that judges by what it has seen in the past and what it sees in the present to make distinct assumptions to help us survive. If you are not clear on where you are going or how you will cope while you move on, your ego will flood your mind with fear and memories to motivate your decision in not changing your situation. All of a sudden, you will consciously focus on thoughts that will cause you to settle because your ego will convince you that this is as good as it gets. Your ego will start to bring up all the reasons why you can’t leave the situation. Even worse, it will fill you with pride by focusing on what people would say or think and who would take the place you are leaving so that you grow blind with envy. We must be aware of our ego and remain conscious during this journey. Consciously Moving On Self-talk This is more than just saying positive affirmations, it’s about having conversations with ourselves about what’s on our mind. This causes us to consciously respond to any emotions that may overwhelm us at the moment so that we can detect what our ego is doing to influence us. Intention Having a focus on an intention is to take back control on where your energy is going. Being clear on what you want to achieve whether it be spiritual, emotional, mentally or even something tangible. This calms your ego’s motive to manipulate your mind by giving it some type of certainty that the new chapter you are moving onto is safe. The power of surrendering Having an understanding that we are a part of agape; this universal energy of love, and that if we are out of alignment with that, we have the power to let go of what doesn’t serve us any longer and come back in harmony. I wish you well on your new chapter. Build the relationship with yourself using constructive self-talk, taking action towards your intentions and surrendering through it all. Peace and love be with you Love, Victoria GOLD  1. DON’T create illusions It’s easy to conjure up all these ideas of a future-life with someone you really like, I know this because I’ve done this myself. I remember not understanding why I would grow attached to people I wouldn’t date for long and I realized that this was a MAJOR factor. I made a commitment to myself to stop doing this and break the habit by telling myself “let it go and focus on your present-life”. I did this EVERY TIME my mind wanted to stir up any illusions. I grew happier and more wise on my decision on who I wanted to date. When we form illusions on “what could be”, we make-up a whole person in our head that we identify with the person we are dating. The mind can’t tell the difference between what you make-up and what is the “real” person so it forms attachments and more so if you’ve imagined a long life with them even on a few occasions. Your mind carefully labels people in the “Tribe” pile like our ancestors did in the cave-man days to determine who was a stranger and family for survival. So if you have been creating illusions on your own, you basically “tricked” your brain into trusting this person by forming an attachment without allowing that romantic interest to do anything. 2. DON'T date without clear boundaries We have a generation where dating is becoming the focus of our lives because of how accessible it is. Let’s start with where you should have clear boundaries: Online Dating-are you swiping left and right to an excessive amount of people? Do you leave your app activated and turn it off only when you find someone but go back to it after that’s done? Dating Multiple People-Due to the accessibility of dating, this happens a lot now. How is this affecting you and others? Does this support your overall vision of your life, or is it just a dopamine high you’ve become enslaved to? Cutting Ties-One of the biggest reasons why people are in bad relationships is because they don’t know how to cut ties with a romantic interest. What are the commitments to yourself when you realize something isn’t working out? What are the steps you take to cut things off? Defining the Relationship-What is your vision when embarking on this journey we call dating? What actions do you take when the relationship isn’t going anywhere based on how the relationship is going? Are you willing to invest your precious time into something that isn’t clear? As a Dating Coach, I see people wondering where the time went as they spent time on people they dated casually and never went anywhere with it. Choose wisely. 3. DON’T get addicted Yes, addicted. I am talking about the dopamine high you get from the attention, the lust, the drama, the romance, the validation etc. the list goes on! I remember when I hit the age of 22 and said to myself, “I don’t remember the last time I was single”. I had forgotten what it looked and felt like. I was so taken away with the way dating made me feel that I was unconscious about how much my life revolved around it. Don’t allow dating to consume your life. No, it’s not healthy to not take a break from dating. Maybe no one has told you that before because of the dating-norm in our generation but it’s NOT OKAY. TAKE A BREAK. I’m talking about it all, online dating, casual dating, formal dating, flirting, etc. all of it. Take conscious time for yourself to appreciate YOU outside of dating. Do you even know what that feels like anymore? I embarked on a singleness journey for 2 years and I am NEVER going to see dating the same. I challenge you to commit to something for yourself that may or may not be different than mine. Your Highest-Self is outside of what you have been subconsciously enslaved to. Love, Victoria GOLD  Do you want to listen instead? So many times we look for external substances to feel fulfilled and yet each time they bring us into the subconscious. This state of mind that has already been thought of, they call it your programmed mind. Here we are left reacting to everything that happens which is an effect of the subconscious mind. If you are left in the subconscious long enough, you’ll feel bored and unsatisfied. What if life is just waiting for YOU? “Waiting for me to do what?” For the longest time I couldn't convey this, people would give me blank stares and looks of confusion. We are energetic beings and everything we do is powerful. I know these are just words you are reading but please don’t just read them, truly receive that, EVERYTHING WE DO IS POWERFUL. When your mind tries to understand what life is waiting for you to do, it will conjure up what you have already seen done or think you should do. STOP THIS. Be conscious and think of something so simple, let it stem from intuition. Intuition is your inner compass You won’t always understand this force inside you called your intuition. This inner compass that will guide you to life’s most beautiful experiences and hidden truths. Stimulate your intuition by being observant of your surroundings and being focused on life around you. You will soon get insight and I must warn you that you may take it lightly. You may feel a pull to draw when you aren’t someone who draws, or maybe paint, sing, read or dance. Whatever it is, listen to it and follow it through action. Do what it asks. Maybe it gives you a word like compassion, or a memory, or even a feeling; entertain all of it and ask for guidance, “okay, guide me to what you want me to do”. The answer may come in an image, an opportunity, a thought etc don’t over complicate it and by that I mean don’t try to make sense out of it because most chances are, it might not make sense. Your inner compass will oftentimes bring up insight you have never thought of before so it is okay if your mind has trouble making sense out of it. Power of Intention Over and over you will hear stories of people who will say they had no projected outcome of a business, piece of art or even a song that became a success but one thing is for sure, they all had intention. Whether it was to solve a problem, paint what they envisioned, or write a song to let go of pain, all of it is different forms of intention. When I was bullied I grew shy and at 18 years old I had a desire to break out of this shy persona. My intention was to get better at saying hi to strangers and from this came another intention and another until I broke through. From this came beautiful experiences I could only dream of. To this I say, be intentional about what you truly desire, anything, and observe the miracles that come from it. Anywhere there is dissatisfaction, there is a lack of intention. Remember that. Peace and love be with you. Love, Victoria GOLD  Want to listen to the Podcast instead? About 2 to 3 years ago, I sat in my own turmoil of confusion. Why did I feel so empty? Why did I feel drained? I couldn’t understand why I felt dead inside and it made me feel guilty. I was flooded with internal questions, “Am I ungrateful for the life I have? Am I just selfish? Am I just a complainer?” I began a gratitude routine, I felt like I was out of this hole just for a bit but I was soon sucked back in. What was happening and what could help me?
Situational Depression I know oftentimes we think of depression as a clinical diagnosis but that is only one case of many. Being in a state of short term depression is normal. Healthline.com states that Situational Depression can be developed by going through a traumatic event, high-stress, or a series of related events. Good news, you are going to be fine! On the other hand, how do we deal with it? Dealing with it There is no one size fits all, you have to find what you need. I know what you may be thinking, “What do I need?” but you know that answer way more than you give yourself credit for. Start becoming curious, ask yourself questions and feel. As vague as that may sound, I want to encourage you to feel. You may have everyday responsibilities like a job, school, family, errands etc and I know that sometimes we don’t stop to think how we feel. We just go through the motions in life, I get it. This is something you need to experience for yourself and the best I can do is tell you my experience in order to inspire your journey. My experience As I sit here and relive the experiences, I am guided with the numerous journal entries I wrote during these moments of Situational Depression. I will only be able to share 3 practices I have used for the purpose of length but these have done wonders for me! I will gladly share more on my Podcast.
Love, Victoria GOLD.  I know what you may be thinking, “Doesn’t jealousy and protectiveness mean the same thing?”. I want to challenge this by saying it DOES NOT mean the same thing.
Jealousy Before we start, let's set the record straight, jealousy stems from being envious of someone or something. It grows from being in a state or scarcity and greed. Constantly doubting life’s generosity, as well as your abilities to attain and retain what is for you. Also, this is an indicator that you lack faith in what isn’t yours or what isn’t meant to stay in your life. Do Not Confuse Jealousy With Trust Issues Feeling suspicious over your partner is NOT jealousy, this stems from an insecurity issue over the trust of the relationship or trust of yourself. Either you have trust issues due to a past relationship and or your current relationship where you felt that you saw “signs” but you doubted yourself, hence not trusting yourself as a result of doubting your intuition. Every time you doubt your intuition, you grow mistrust towards yourself. Although this is not jealousy, if these insecurities go ignored, they can turn into jealousy. Possessiveness When someone sees their partner talking to someone else and gets aggravated, is that jealousy? Let’s look deeper into this, if the person gets aggravated towards their partner, this shows that they are insecure about their partner and doubt their loyalty because of what they have experienced either with that partner or past relationships. This will transpire into controlling who their partner talks to and doesn't talk to which is best known as possessiveness. For those who get aggravated at the person who is talking to their partner, this could be an insecurity of self. Oftentimes they are the type of people who “don’t like to be lookin’ like a fool!”, in other words they are very ego driven and like to make it known to others in the room who they are with. They think if they do this, they will mark their territory and others will show fear by not talking to them, which to them means respect. Again, displaying a form of possessiveness. I want to make it clear that this is NOT a healthy reaction of habit to have, people are not possessions and if you or someone you know finds themselves here, please encourage seeking counseling from a life coach like myself or a therapist. Protectiveness An instinct to protect our loved ones has been around for AGES! In our love life, we will often experience more of a protective nature if we best define ourselves as a masculine spirit. Their form of protection is to keep their loved ones away from risk of potential harm. Let me better describe this with a scenario, if they see their partners talking to someone else and they feel as though this person has ill intentions, they will become protective and make an effort to do something about it. Notice how they had reason to form a judgement on why they don’t feel comfortable with their partner being around that person, they didn’t just do it out of their own illusions and insecurities, it was solely to protect their partner. They will often feel this instinct in moments where they have thought ahead of all the risks, the “what could happen” and we must know that this is just part of nature. Healing Jealousy and possessiveness is a limitation to our vision which is needed to see the BIGGER picture. The bigger picture is designed to keep us focused on our journey to uncover our truest potential. There are different ways to heal but I will share with you some of my personal perspectives and experience.
Keep growing and keep healing, it’s a MUST. Love, Victoria GOLD  Being friend zoned has turned into the new disease. No one wants to be friend zoned, everyone’s ego wants to be everyone’s type, isn’t that funny? WHEN DO THEY DECIDE TO FRIENDZONE YOU? Let’s consider the obvious and talk about what makes someone more attracted to us to be someone they’d date. The basics of romantic attraction is simple. If they feel good around you, they will be attracted to you, I call this chemistry. Second, if they find you physically attractive, they will have another motive to date you. Lastly, if they find you genuinely interesting, they will be more inclined to be around you because you stimulate their mind. All of these are the first initial sparks that trigger the primal thoughts of, “Date or Friend?”. In other words, if you don’t attract them in these initial sparks, you will most likely get friend zoned. ARE YOU BEING TOO NICE? People say that being nice gets you in the friend zone, but is that really what they mean? I believe it’s a lot deeper than that but at times we can’t articulate what turns us off about it so let me get to it. What really turns people off is that it seems forced. I have met people that are trying super hard to be nice but I can feel that it is not genuine at all. I can tell they just want me to like them and it worries me as to how they will be once I finally take an interest in them. I ask myself, “will they finally show their true colors afterwards?”. Then, there are others that are fully themselves and being themselves truly means that they are sweet, loving and caring. Immediately, I’ll have this sense of knowing that they are being true and they’re not doing it to just to impress me. Finally, you have people that mistake being nice to being passive and meek. Passive and meek people tend to turn people off when it comes to selecting a partner. We unconsciously know that we don’t want a partner who is a push over because this means they will have a higher probability of being a coward in moments of peer pressure. Meaning, they will allow others to influence their every move, they will be too cowardly to stand up to temptation and become disloyal to their partner. We must start calling it out for what it is instead of saying “they are too nice” because saying that is too vague for what we truly feel. "LET'S JUST BE FRIENDS" Many times, people feel guilty to tell someone they aren’t interested and they want to be less harsh by saying “Let’s just be friends”. Yes, it’s true some people don’t really mean that but some people do. Society has told us time and time again in movies, talks amongst friends and social media that friend zone is a “low blow”. Let’s also not forget that there are many different types of friend zones. For instance, there are people that don’t want to commit but they like the attention you give them so they lead you on and friend zone you each time (which is selfish and wrong). There are others that genuinely want to keep you as a friend and if you don’t let your ego get in the way, it can blossom into a life-changing friendship. Lastly, there are those who just don’t seem to know how to respectfully say that they aren’t interested so they coward out and friendzone you. SO WHAT SHOULD YOU DO? Get to really know who you are and what makes you, you! That’s where true confidence is born. DON’T look up one of those dumb “How to seduce the one you want” youtube related videos!!!!! Please don’t! They teach you mind games and how to cover up the problem instead of truly uncovering the issue. If you don’t find your qualities interesting and attractive, who will? You haven’t worked on yourself well enough to realize you are a catch, it’s no wonder you walk around trying to please people and then get disappointed when you get rejected. You are blind to the real issue. I would love to guide you and uncover what is or isn’t working for you. Submit a message to me to find out how you can get a free session! Love, Victoria GOLD LISTEN TO OUR PODCAST ON "HOW TO DEAL WITH THE FRIEND ZONE!" HOSTED BY VICTORIA GOLD FT. JEREMY KUHN!  Want to listen to the podcast instead? We had another incredible Life Coach, Andy Bayon, join oujr podcast to talk about this topic! Have you ever been guilty of petty mind games? “They waited 10 min. to text me so I will too!”, “Act like you don’t like them so they can like you more” or how about “Give them a taste of their own medicine!”. SMH! What’s the point of all of this?! THE POINT If you notice, the purpose of these petty mind games are to paint the illusion that you don’t care as much as you actually do. “But, Why?” Well, when we show that we care about something or someone, we feel that we are making it known it has an affect on us but guess what, it does! It is normal to be affected by life and people. What becomes harmful, is not knowing how to deal with disappointments, which leads to dwelling or suppressing them. Due to society’s propaganda on what makes us significant in a relationship, it trains our ego to put a mask on! THE EGO The ego is designed to judge danger in order to help you survive, but what happens if surviving in the wild isn’t necessary anymore? The ego will adapt and learn how to “survive” in whichever environment (society, culture, relationships, family etc). The ego forms judgement with what it has gained by experience, perspective and influence like, movies, music, society etc. If the majority say, “Don’t text right away”, guess what the ego will look out for? Not texting right away! If you even think about texting right away and it doesn’t turn out well for you, the ego will analyze this “not so good” feeling and judge how we got there, it will pull out that memory of when we heard someone say, “Don’t text right away!”. Then, the ego learns that when we follow these society “rules”, we stay ahead and we gain significance in society. The ego then switches its purpose from helping you survive to helping you gain significance. Masking how we really want to respond to situations and being discouraged by the ego. CHECKING THE EGO First, I must say that it is not easy, this journey will feel like a constant battle. It’s going to take emotional-intamacy and self control. First, be transparent to yourself, be open about how you feel and why you are hurt. Intimacy is allowing yourself to be embarrassed by what you feel and allowing yourself to be shameful of what affects you without judgement. Self control will be needed to respond to how the conscious knows it should and not react to the ego’s temptation. Be compassionate with yourself through the process. Please, don’t become discouraged. At times, I can feel my ego asking me to shut down certain parts of who I am in order to guard myself. I know this will only result in modifying who I am in this beautiful life where I am not destined to. I want to enjoy my life with no limitations. Surrender to how you truly feel at every moment and gracefully let go of what doesn’t serve you. This will slowly break the limitations your ego wants to place you in. Peace and Love be with you. Love, Victoria GOLD  It is normal to have baggage. You are not less worthy of love because of it. In fact, if you are living and breathing, you have acquired baggage. Therefore, I do not think the mystery is if you have baggage or not, but rather, how do you sort through it? UNSETTLED BAGGAGE Do you know of people that have never been the same after a rough break up? Often, a broken heart can create baggage that was once never there, modifying how we live from that point on. We can best define disordered baggage as the poor perceptions we have engraved into our life's identity after a traumatic experience, big or small. The "what is and will be '' perspectives on love, family, self-image, etc. These limiting beliefs get in the way of sincerely being our most authentic self. Living in fear through the ego's judgment to keep you away from feeling hurt and insignificant. In this degree, when we allow our ego to take the wheel of our life, we obey any demand from it and modify who we are not to feel that way again. DAMAGED EGO A damaged ego can easily become a strong influence on our character if we aren’t sorting through the baggage. Your ego's job is to be certain you are surviving, and one of its strategies is always to set you in a position of significance. Constantly measuring your significance level in any situation by the perceptions and judgments it has collected thus far. To the ego, significance means being out of harm's way, determining you are in a status destined to survive. When you go through an event that makes you feel insignificant, the ego fights to regain significance, and if it’s placed in this position over and over, you may have one of two outcomes: 1. You will grow accustomed to it, which in other words, settle for less. 2. You will grow resentful, and significance won’t be enough; you will seek superiority. We do this unconsciously, to the point that it becomes a part of our behavior and soon our personality. If this happens unconsciously... you guessed it! We must become conscious of what is and has happened to be capable of sorting out the baggage. SORTING THROUGH THE BAGGAGE Take a moment and examine your perceptions, behavior, and beliefs; how have they got there? Discovering parts about you that you created at some point were never there are. As you question every thought, I encourage you to ask, "Does this embody the life I desire to live?". I suggest not answering with logic, but rather from your intuition, your inner compass. Feel every question, not by emotion but by spirit, and that can only come from being at a place of intense vulnerability, no walls up. This allows the soul's language to influence your spirit's vibration onto your physical vibration, where it will then be felt through your senses and communicated to the mind. It's time to take a moment of silence to question every perception, accept what comes forth, and challenge your every answer. Peace and Love be with you always. -Love, Victoria GOLD  HAPPY NEW YEAR!
As we embark in the new year, we are reminded of all the wonders. The troubles that challenged our character, the heartbreaks that shook us, and the light that lit up every dark corner of our life. This year was extremely unforeseen for the whole world. You know what they say, “True character is revealed in the face of adversity,” this was true for all as a whole. Showing us time and time again where humanity excelled and where it fell short; amplifying the world’s true colors for us to experience firsthand. There were magical moments in how society came together to help a world cause, and there were disappointments this year that also needed to be seen. We must never forget that these colors could change at any moment and that every life holds responsibility for every tone. What tone will your life contribute to this year? REFLECTION QUESTIONS: (Take a moment of silence before answering each) 1. How many lives were you transparent with in order to build deeper connections? 2. What have you observed about where humanity is at this moment? 3. What needs do you think are critical for the world? 4. How many people did you serve? (Enough, not enough? Why?) 5. What behaviors and habits did you adopt last year that you are not proud of and how will you improve them this year? 6. What were you in search for this year? 7. What do you need to heal from in order to evolve in this new year? 8. What temptation will you work on overcoming? 9. What does life want you to give more of in this new year? 10. How will your talents and gifts contribute to the world this year? |
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